A lot of submissive men are filled to the brim with the fantasy of a dominant woman directing this or that. We get into our heads certain fantasies that fill our spankbank and we pursue them. “Forced” bisexual behavior is one such fantasy. CFNM “all the time” is another.
Reality interferes with many of these fantasies. It’s impractical to be naked all the time, particularly when both the woman and the man in a FLR work and they both have kids. CFNM can’t happen outside of small windows of time. And yet, the submissive man will keep this in their mind as a fantasy and strive toward it.
And then… sometimes… something happens. The submissive man might get the opportunity to serve, get some fantasies fulfilled, experience some beautiful things… and the fantasy will take a back seat. What’s replaced the fantasy is the reality of service. Perhaps it’s a permanent collar. Perhaps is a virtual permanent collar. Or perhaps it’s just living with the service of the Mistress that’s influenced him enough to realize that he’s beyond the fantasy. He moves past fantasy as the object and realizes that service is the object – and he’s already found that destination.
In 2015, I have moved from a world where the fantasy has dictated my submission and service goals. Now, the service I am providing is a reality and the focus of my submission to my woman. And yes, we have that fantasy hanging around. I’m happy to bring those fantasy ideas into the light and give them their due, but what I’m doing today, what I’m doing this week, what I am doing for Her is what makes it all work.
Don’t get me wrong – we’ll keep playing in the games of fantasy, but I am satisfied with so much more of my service to her that the fantasy can be held mostly as reward or punishment or an adjunct to what our relationship is.
I’ve thought deeply about this over the past couple months and have held off writing until it made itself obvious and I was able to accept this. It doesn’t change “everything” – but it does change where my brain is.