Thought about it…

I thought about writing a post along the lines of “Twas the night before Christmas…” based on FLR, but one, that’s too hackneyed and two, I ran out of time to be so damn hackneyed.

Perhaps I can muster an Auld Lang Syne instead.

Wheee, Christmas time, sort of

So, we’ve all been so busy with Christmas preparation and all, but today it looks like I’m actually off from work for Christmas Eve (hoping that cow-orkers don’t make errors that call me in… ) and home puttering and dealing while Madame is off at HER job, wrapping up her week.

This morning Madame was very generous in her using me as I woke from my slumber, but there was a slight problem. See, I got a little too excited and on one of her slight downstrokes, I was pushed clean over the edge and soon found my cock pulsing, spilling, deep inside her. And this was completely unplanned. My submissive person, pup, still feels horrible about it. Madame is still pissed off and rightfully so. My face is still sore from her smacking me, deservedly so.

Our more personal selves, our Chloe and John, are okay with each other, but John still is upset. It’s a frustration that when I haven’t come in some time, I’ll spill like that, not on purpose, but accidental, and I get frustrated with it. I won’t let it get the best of me, however, and will go through the week end with as much joy as I can. But having that edge taken off is… well… frustrating. Nonetheless, Chloe and I will have a wonderful Christmas together.

According to Chloe, a big beautiful orgasm was going to be my Christmas present in the morning, but I’m unsure where she will go with that now, given that the wrapping paper has all been pulled off that gift.

Mistress’s workshop


Busy, busy, busy. That is what it comes down to. It’s simply a busy time of year, with little down time, little unscheduled time, and little reprieve from a much longer than usual “to do” list.

I have not had a chance to finish the “Date with stranger” post, but I will get it done.

I have not yet finished my Christmas prep, but I’ll get that done too.

And the wrapping?? That will get done tonight.

And THAT is something I am looking forward to.

I am having a few ladies over to do an appetizer, cocktail, wrapping gathering. I do believe that john and “t” will be the only males here.

They will be serving us, tending to us, catering to us, but in a very discreet way. John will be showing “t” how this is done. John has been trained over the years to provide service when the service needs to be invisible. This is not my favorite option, as if I had my way, both boys would be naked and wearing collars, but that can’t be the case. I want them to feel it in some way, though. The pull of a leash. It will be subtle tonight, but I want it felt. And, I want too for both of them to get their own wrapping done. This is meant to be productive and fun. But with purpose too, for I am working on gatherings of other events where they WILL be serving naked, and they WILL be wearing collars or cuffs in plain view. That will come later, and I think about that a lot.

But tonight, they will be my little elves, filling wine glasses that need filling, clearing away empty plates, keeping wrapping paper scraps picked up. It will hopefully be a fun night, an easy night, a productive night. And, “t” is recovering from a small medical procedure, so I don’t want him over taxed. Over taxing him can come later.

So, that’s it for today. Out of time, but very much in the holiday spirit of things.

Be merry, all. Until next time……


Comfortable touch

Some people who don’t play in chastity won’t understand it, but there’s a definite comfort in being in chastity. I felt very close to Mistress last night and this morning had a very hard time letting her leave for work. It was sad to see her leave. And I’m not some kind of really needy submissive (well, unless you’ve been beating me for a long time, I might get a little needy for some aftercare, but I digress).

Locked up cock

So, I was missing her and really wanted to just lie in bed with her all day and have her hand on my cock and balls, like we do when we sleep together at times. So, after the shower, after my wrist collar was put on, I put on the chastity device. My cock and balls sliding into the a-ring, a little hand cream in the tube helped it slide onto my hardening cock. I found a lock and key pair in her jewelry space and “click” went the lock by itself, without her there, but nonetheless, left me feeling with the comfort of her hand around me, clutching me, all… day… long. Of course, it’s only two hours into my day, but I do feel better and more comforted in chastity when we’re apart.

She sometimes likes it when I self-lock, as the chastity is often something she does for me (my opinion, perhaps I’m wrong!) because I like it. But she loves seeing my cock swell and harden and pulse under her touch. And I enjoy that too, very much. But this day, I just needed her near.. and this is the closest I can get before one of us hits the lottery of becomes independently wealthy in some other manner.

Oops, almost forgot

For a brief and beautiful moment, I was her slave outside the house.

We went through our morning, got dressed for the “Oh shit, last weekend before Christmas!” dealing and we proceeded out the door.

I had warmed up the car, then gathered our things and we got into the car, I reversed out into the road and I put it into a forward gear and laughed. I stopped the car on the side of the road and laughed and looked at Chloe. “For a moment, I forgot…”

“What?” She said, not noticing or understanding.

“It was just so normal, so… natural.” I smiled… the corners of my smile letting loose just a little as the reality hit. My hands left the steering wheel and gear shift and moved to my neck. She smiled when she noticed what I was doing. I reached to my neck and unfastened the collar. So comfortable, natural and normal it was to be collared.

It’s been a good month or two living alone together (outside of visits, of course) where I’ve been naked a lot (woohoo!) and I’ve been collared even more. Heck, I’ve even made the trash  run (door to can in the front yard) naked more than once while it’s dark.

Collar on the mirror

My collar hangs from the mirror of the car

But now one of her adult offspring has arrived back for about a month, so the naked ends. And half the collar time ends too, as I’ll just be wearing it while Chloe and I are in bed together. But it was a very wonderful beautiful run while it lasted. I’ll miss it until it comes back in January.

But until then, I have a great big smile to remember on the day that I forgot to take it off.

Date with a stranger


So, yes….back to the story of my whirlwind adventure…..

I do enjoy Collarspace from time to time. It is one of those sites where I will not log in for many months, but then I do, and it’s entertaining and fresh and fruitful. And then it gets old, and I disappear from it again.

It is nearly always the way someone writes that gets and holds my attention. This one in particular that squeezed my brain had no picture attached to it, had no descending order of likes and dislikes, and really didn’t have much except a couple of well written paragraphs that pulled at all my pink bits. Don’t forget that I fell head over heels for john because of how he engaged my mind. He figured out early on how to play with my biggest sex organ, and he played vvvvery well.

This guy wasn’t quiet like that (you never do get over your first, do you??), but it was reminiscent of that, and I liked it. I liked it a lot.

I have had my itches to bottom satisfied by john. I do not always feel the need to search outside of that, but I do every once in a while. I am at risk often for wanting to ‘top from the bottom’. I am very prone to that sort of thing. If I do search for a playful top, they can really only get and hold my attention if they take no shit from me. I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to bottom and ended up topping midway through. I don’t generally mind that….but it’s a pretty cool thing when someone starts on top and stays on top.

Many tantalizing emails went back and forth between this stranger and me. And not tantalizing in a way that would make anyone else notice, probably, but they worked very well for my particular set of likes. I was hooked. All of my senses were alive and in overdrive…..including my sense of intuition.

A seed got planted about a month ago. It basically said, “Hey. I have to travel to Philly for a night. Take the train down to Boston, hop in my car, spend the night with me in a hotel, I’ll do terrible things to you, and then you can head back to Maine the next day. What do you think?”

What do I think, he asks?? Meaning, you want me to…..

Hop in a car with a stranger?

Travel 7 states away where I don’t know anyone?

Spent a night, and we haven’t even met for coffee?

Terrible things??? What sort of terrible things?? Define ‘terrible’. Please.

Of course I said yes.

<insert big smile here…..>

I am NOT advocating this. This is not typically how I behave. If a friend came to me and said, “Hey, this is what I am thinking of doing with a stranger….”, I would grab them by the shoulders, shake hard, and say, “Are you nuts??!!!  You can’t do that!!!!” slapslapslap…..

But the point it, I did it. I am resisting about writing about all of the behind the scenes precautions I took, the conversations I had with john, the wrestling back and forth, the emails that implored “Please don’t be an ax murderer”, the fact that he never did actually say that he wasn’t (I’m smiling), and all that factored in. I am not going to write about that, because I would be doing it for the wrong reasons. I don’t want anyone to think I am careless beyond reason. I am not. In the end, I figured that my chances of getting killed by a car as I drove in my home town or crossed a street were about as high as me being killed by a man who has a great career and kids in college.

The fact that he stopped and bought rope and a knife with me standing by his side only confirmed this for me.


So, away I went. I hopped on board, bought the ticket, took the ride, ended up in Boston, stood facing the sun at the terminal, and waited for the stranger to come pick me up.

John had me on friend finder; he could see exactly where I was. He could see the buildings all around me. He knew I was nervous too. I could feel john watching me, and watching out for me. We had our time and tested precautions in place. I was ready. Nervous as hell, but ready.

I was missing john as I stood waiting. The sun felt good on my face. It felt familiar, warm. It felt good to be communicating with john. That too felt familiar and warm.

And then both were gone. My concentration in my writing broke and the sun went away, replaced by a sudden and looming shadow.

Out of nowhere, it seemed, he just appeared…stranger danger man. He stood before me, upon me so quickly, I didn’t even see him coming. I couldn’t even really focus quickly. I stared up at him, saw the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and heard the question, “Chloe??” and that was it….our game of thrones had begun.

to be continued……….






Just perfect

We all may strive for perfection. But to expect it is a little beyond normal expectation. It’s okay that we don’t make it to perfection all the time. And yes, this is in relation to my last post, so let me clear things up.

Nude man in the snow

Nude man in the snow

This weekend was good, until the end where things went very weirdly pear shaped. I was angry and frustrated, but mostly angry. Communication with Mistress was through our cell phones as she was on a whirlwind tour of the Northeast. While I waited impatiently for things* to trickle down and people to move around and pieces of the puzzle to slide here and there and get me to a safe place, she called me. I ranted. I was angry. And I let her know. I was angry with the world, with specific things, with non-specific things, and I ranted.

And here’s where the imperfection came in. She tried to pull on the leash and get me to heel. She tried to yank me back into a reality where I was more controlled and composed but it didn’t have the effect that she wanted – that I needed. And that’s where, in retrospect, my kink frustration lies.

With her as the Mistress and I as her slave, she should be able to pull on the leash from anywhere and get the behavior she expects. And that’s where I failed. And it’s not anyone’s fault but mine. I have a history of anger taking me over far more than it should. I’ve worked on it and gotten much better but it comes out from time to time. And in this instance it came out in front of my children which is the hardest part of it all. Our great weekend ended on a sour note**. And I was frustrated with myself, with others and let it out in front of them. And I don’t like that. And she doesn’t like it. And she tried to rein me in, but it didn’t take.

So, I posted angrily and upset to the blog which is something I shouldn’t do. You, dear reader, don’t need to see that kind of thing! And heck, with the confusing message, it doesn’t serve anyone. In one of my previous lives where I did “wandering cast member” at a Renaissance Faire, we would call it “actorbation” – because it satisfies nobody but the actor – and even then, does it really? And it does nothing to serve anyone else, it only serves the actor. Or, in this case, the guy ranting.

I came up with more related to this post last night, but between last night, sleep, waking and coffee, it still hasn’t returned to my mind. Consider this post my explanation for the previous post wherein I was a bit vague. I learn, as I try to write more regularly, that sometimes good ideas come to me and slip away before I make note of them. I’m working on being better about that part too. Will try to make it more fun in the very near future.



*Things – aka all the craptastic stuff that happened Sunday night. This is where the vaguebooking happens, as I’m not about to lay it ALL out on the table, there’s some measure of privacy we should all maintain, yes?

**F-bomb laden tirades are always a sour note

More than…..

My lovely pup….

I have read your post entitled “Less than”, and I agree with you, it is rather vague.

You have not failed Me, I can tell you that much. You belong to me, yes, and in that wonderful service you provide to me, you have done nothing that resembles failure. I assure you of this.

But if you have personal goals and objectives that you feel you are falling short of, then maybe you do feel this way. I do not agree that if the parts of a whole don’t go as we wish, then the sum of those parts equals failure. If we had our entire shit totally together at all times, then there would be no opportunity for growth, for change, for betterment.

I am not fond of the post you have left here. As your friend, your lover, your Mistress, your owner, I am concerned. You are being unfair to yourself. You are being too vague. Even I don’t understand what it is you are saying, and I live with you.

It’s time to get up, boy. Get up, out of bed, brush yourself off, and figure out what ails you. And fix it. I don’t like saying this publicly, but you are very much dealing with first world problems, and they can be fixed the minute you decide to fix them. How incredibly lucky you are to be able to do that. So….get up and do it. I will be with you as you take your steps. I will drag you sometimes if you need that tug on your leash and collar. But you have to do the forward walking towards what it is you want.

Get up, boy. The coffee is hot and its waiting for you. Get up out of your bed and start your day. Your future started yesterday.

I love you.


Blind date whirlwind


I’m back. Whirlwind few days, but a fantastic few days.

My day yesterday comprised of breakfast in Philadelphia, lunch in New York City, dinner in Boston, and in bed with my boy for a night of sleep in Maine.

Almost trains, planes and automobiles, but not quiet.

And it’s all because of a Collarspace play date I accepted and went on.

It’s all because I used the best skills I have amassed when it comes to assessing a person, a situation, a body of risk. I used those skills and decided to get on a bus, which led me to a train, which led me to a car, which led me to a man, which led me to a play date, which led me to a city, which let me to a hotel.

I sit here in the early morning rain, not sure how else to proceed with the post, very much aware that I need to get into the office and get my bearings about me. I need to do that first. I have a big smile on my face. My sleeping boy slumbers one room away. He already has been used this morning as the sexual slave that he is. I am getting him out of bed early this morning so that he can  unpack my bags. So he can launder the panties that are the result of a play date with another. So that he can put away my things and get on with his own busy day.

I will meet up with him tonight. We will have more quality time being together, talking, catching up. Soon, I will catch up with t and p. Getting back into the swing of things. But first things first.

More blogging to come. Not sure how much of my adventure I’ll write about. I continue to smile broadly as I write this. I’ll think about it today. I’ll decide later. And I’ll carry a secret grin with me throughout the day.