Nutshells in review…

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So, I have not really posted since the holidays. Typically, January is my month of hibernation. I have to steel myself against the coldest, harshest month in order to get through it. I have done that pretty successfully, I am happy to say. I have spent the month with family, cleaning up body and mind from holiday over indulgence,  feeling confident and overall, things are good.

Here’s the nutshell:

My boy john continues to be a loving, patient, devoted presence in my life. My boy has not had his leash tugged at very often, he has not had his ass violated, he has not been beaten or sexually used like I know he likes, and yet, he stays close to my side, always steadfast, nearly always agreeable. I cannot appreciate him enough for this. I know he is happy to see my kinky awakening now that adult child has headed back south.

My toy “t” continues to be a lovely presence in our world. He is the toy I found on Craigslist. He is a gem, and I am delighted to have him. He is devoted, eager, happy, curious, kind, and a damn good cook. I am thoroughly enjoying how he tends to Me. My john has been instrumental in helping train and mold ‘t’ to the things I like and how I like them. It is going quiet well. ‘t’ is thrilled to be a part of things even though things have not been all that exciting in January.

I am dealing with guilt around ‘p’, the other craigslist contender. I am the one who dropped the ball on this one. I think I lost some mojo around the whole thing because I know he is straight out with work and I don’t like the idea of taking him from that when I know how important it is to him. I am not a perfect dominant. I wrestle with feelings and guilts like any other person. I pretty much let ‘p’ slip away and I am not feeling great about that. It still feels unresolved to me. I am still thinking about it, thinking about him.

There has been a sexy and interesting development;

Someone has emerged in January who I have been writing with for months and months. Oh, I do like him!!! I do believe that I will be writing about adventures with him a fair amount. He is dominant, and he is an excellent candidate for many of the deviant things I am interested in seeing happen to my boy(s). I am going to leave it at that. We have gotten through the “meet and greets” and the negotiations. I think there is a lot of potential in this. I am excited. If you enjoy reading about m2m adventures, you should check in often. I smile.

I received an email recently from someone who I really enjoyed playing with but who disappeared a while back. He is a dominant and I met him about 8 years ago as an occasional play partner for myself during the times I am interested in bottoming. I liked him a lot, but he fell off the radar and I moved on. He has returned and I find this very interesting and rather exciting. I am not the same person I was then, and he seems very at peace with that, and with himself. We will see where it goes, but it brings me joy to see him back, and that is a good thing.

I need to go back and re-read older posts from December. I feel as though I have unfinished stories to tell from last month. I will do that. For now, I wanted to post a brief update of the happenings and not-so-happenings in the house of the exquisite dungeon.

:-)

 

Not…. quite…

We’ve been entertaining/housing an adult child of Madame’s for somewhere past a month. The recent snowpocalypse that hit the east coast (but not us) delayed her departure until this morning. Finally, all things packed, errands for her to run in town, she departed, hugs and kisses all around and her boyfriend heir apparent, also departed.

Madame and I shared a nice lengthy kiss. Her mostly dressed for work, I still in the bathrobe and making breakfast at the stove.

“We can get back naked time for you… ” she said.

I smiled and laughed and said “Well, let’s just wait until tonight, perhaps.”

As I went back into the kitchen with my empty breakfast plate, who appears? Yep, the previously fled daughter, back for her sunglasses, which she didn’t find. Or perhaps she was back to see just how long it would take her mother and the mother’s boyfriend to get back to doing the nasty on the dining room table with a newly found empty house.

And I was happy that I thought better about throwing off the robe and just cooking naked. This was certainly a big save. Of course, tonight, I know there’s no chance of the daughter returning and Madame can check on the location of her phone to ensure she’s SOMEWHERE that’s not our state. So that will give us some assurance.

Here’s to further naked!

Dear blog,

I miss you! I’ll be back later this weekend. Glad to see you are still here, although you were broken and I was away for a period of time. We both seem to be back, and that’s good news. I look forward to our reunion.

It will probably be quiet around here, I am guessing many have left, but it’s ok….I have enjoyed you for exactly who you are and all that you do for me.

I’ll be back, blog. See you later tonight, perhaps!

Love,

Mme

Incentive and a partner’s role

I’m looking to see how we might leverage our FLM toward influencing me to lose weight. Yeah, I know. I know. If I’m not motivated to do it, I won’t do it, no matter what a woman in my life tells me. And no matter what incentive she uses. And it’s unfair of me to expect my partner to do such a thing. And it’ll create havoc in my relationship as we both become bitter with each other expecting too much and getting too little. And that’s not good.

So, I know the bad part of it.

But, let me make a sideways move from there. So far, Chloe and I have played with chastity a lot. On again, off again. And it’s come down lately to points where I will lock myself up and let her know and she’ll always approve. And then I’ll hope she’ll unlock me that evening or the next morning. It’s worked well. It’s a more casual method of using chastity and it’s been working. And yes, there are times when I wish she’d just say “You should be locked up today…” and have her make sure I am. I think it’s hot. (Yes, if I were really about service, it would not matter if I thought it was hot)

So, how about if I set myself my own goals, include my own “punishments” and Chloe can be involved as she wants, but she can also be in the backseat as well, just watching me “deal” with things? Well, here are the problems with that.

  • I can’t beat myself. If I’m really going to take a beating as a punishment, I can’t do it myself. That inflicts my punishment on Chloe.
  • She likes my cock. No, she loves my cock. If I’m locked up and she wants me to fuck her, I’ll inflict my punishment on her.
  • It’s feeeeeeeeels better if she does it. But honestly, I know I have to motivate myself and it’s not about how I “feeeeeeeel” about it, but it’s about motivating myself to exercise, lose weight and be more fit and like myself more. And in turn, Chloe may like my new shaped body more.

So, I think, what I need to do is…

Come up with some incentives to myself. I get “this” if I am on track. I get “that” if I am not on track. If I reach a goal, I would like “THIS” and I have until X to reach the goal. If I fail that goal, I don’t get the reward. But I don’t think punishment should take over if I fail that goal… We’ll have to see.

I know, absolutely, that I need to talk more with Chloe about this. I think expressing this kind of thing offer a little bit of “confessional debugging” – wherein the confession is what leads to the possible solution. And that has worked for me rather well, for some time.

2016

2016 has arrived. I spent last night in service driving my lovely woman and our friends around town. It was an easy time of it with the exception of the level of drunkenness of some (not my lady… ). I made it through, got home and poured myself a nice whisky on the rocks and we went to bed, naked and tangled.

I don’t do res-o-lutions any more, but I do see the new year as a good time to start off things. I have several of those and I need to start keeping track of them – so I can note progress on them.

For my D/s and service world, I have a couple of things I need to do, not the least of which is sort through who I am without my Mistress when attending D/s events. Unfortunately, for some of the events coming, Madame will be working hard at her job and unable to attend. So, I’m looking at myself at events. Whether I’ll be able to make the connections with men and women with whom I’d like to play and establishing myself as an independent person. This is a challenge for me. Chloe has her signs which she posts to help engage people with me, but I’ll have to work on my own methods of finding interest.

I have several personal goals in the coming year as well, so I’ll be working on those. Some are derived from my service to others in a vanilla context – I did some extended training with a volunteer group and have 5 goals to complete for the completion of that training. Others are just personal goals that must be accomplished.

The best part of this all is that I am optimistic. I am driven by the need to get these goals accomplished so that I can actually do them. I hope to keep the energy harnessed and focused and moving forward. And if I can do that… well… everything will just work out fine. And for that, I’ll be happy.

I wish you all a great new year and I look forward to serving you all with more writing in the coming year. Chloe and I will both be renewing the writing aspect of our lives as 2016 continues.