Just lying there

Saturday was a beautiful morning. At least my body decided that, instead of sleeping in, I would see how beautiful a morning it was. 6 am came quickly, woke me firmly and decided I would not be heading back to sleep. So, I made coffee, cleared the dry dishes from the sink and sat down to watch the sunrise.

She woke after me for a change and came to find me in the comfy chair in the dining room where I like to sit and type. Grabbing me by the tie of my bathrobe, she pulled me into the bedroom and directly into bed. Somehow the robe fell off my body on the way into bed. Now naked, we lay together, snuggled up close. We touched and caressed and she moved her way to lying on her stomach in our standard “pet me” position. Her left arm is free from under her body and she typically will hold my balls while I pet her.

I started petting her, rubbing according to her direction. The sun shone on the bed as we snuggled tightly under the covers. The warmth of the sun inspired us to relax and almost go back to sleep but her directing me to work out knots in her back prevented slumber. Still, I rubbed her, spending time on her back and her bottom. I even went down to her thighs periodically to give them a bit of a rub. The comforter lay on us and cloaked us from Saturday morning but gaps in that coverage let me smell any of the smells that were under the covers. Every time I rubbed her bottom and her cheeks separated, I’d release another waft of her scent which would work its way out from under the covers. Her hand clutched my balls possessively but my cock was free and was rubbing at the junction of her arm and side, providing a delicious little amount of friction. This closeness, this intimacy, her scent, the gentle friction and my service all came together in a beautiful way. I could feel the energy churning around inside me, I felt my breathing get deeper. I asked “May I orgasm, please?”

“Yes pup, do it.” I continued to rub her, catch her scent and rub my cock gently against her, within 30 seconds I was holding onto her hard as orgasm shook my body. My body tensed, I held her, I had a big beautiful orgasm that had several waves and could have gone on for much longer but I reined it in, calmed myself and let me body relax next to her.

“And what brought that on?” she said with a smile on her face.

I explained about all the things that pushed me up and over the edge, making note of the scent, which was likely the biggest factor in pushing me over the edge. “Well good morning to you then!”

I smiled back and she moved from her prone position opening up her breasts to me which I promptly attacked. Another more active round later I found myself at the point of another orgasm, this time while inside her.

I very much enjoy that I’ve learned to have these orgasms without ejaculation. It’s distilled the essence of a full orgasm into one that gives me almost all of the pleasure without spilling the seed in ejaculating and losing that tension. She continues to deny my ejaculating but allows me this type of pleasure. I can’t get there any time I want, but then I’m not sure I want to be able to do that, as it might take some of the mystery out of it. In the end, it’s a good way to be able to share intimacy with the woman that denies my ejaculation but revels in my orgasm.

Put in place

Thursday night turned into an impromptu party evening. A small birthday gathering moved from restaurant to home and then a crew ended up going out on the town. Dinner at the restaurant was lovely and I spent time entertaining people, engaging, being involved. We moved to the house and I realized that this was going to keep running for far longer than I expected. Drinks, appetizers, etc. I served. I did my part but I was cranky.

Why was I cranky? I was expecting a quiet night at home. I was planning to finish cleaning up those final three bags of stuff still hanging around our bedroom, maybe watch another episode of a show, maybe do a little driving if there was some surge, perhaps work on the rope project and generally, relax.

These kind of nights happen in our world sometimes. I usually am okay with the adjustment, but at other times I get cranky instead of pulling through with the grace and aplomb expected. It’s completely selfish of me, I know. I am fully aware that, as a service submissive, as an owned pet of my Mistress, I need to be able to serve whenever she asks or demands – even if there’s no notice given.

But I kept myself in the cranky side of things, god knows why. Eventually, it came time for the crew to disappear out to town. Madame and I would not be going out with them and I was more than ready for bed. I was lying on the bed, working out some details of computer things I wanted to run overnight. Once people left, I’d put my computer out in the dining room to run the rest of the night. Madame came into the bedroom.

Kiss. My. Ass.“What is wrong with you?”

“I’m just tired.”

“Is that all?”

“I wasn’t expecting a party.”

“But one happened. And you need to remember who you are.”

“I know Ma’am. I know.”

“Get over here.” I scrambled out of bed and came toward her. She turned away from me. Despite her turning away, I heard her next words “Kiss my ass.” Not loud. Not angry. Not shouted. Three words just spoken matter-of-factly. I knelt behind her. I kissed her bottom. She looked behind her and glared. I gently pulled down her pants and panties and kissed both her naked cheeks twice each. “Good boy” she spoke, as simply and clearly as her previous words as she turned around. “You need to remember your place, boy.”

“Yes, Ma’am, I’m sorry. Thank you.”

“Now finish up, I’m ready for bed, I expect to be pet until I fall asleep.”



Hand in the hairSometimes my service is just petting her back to sleep.

Sometimes the computer falls asleep in the middle of the night and the work you wanted done – isn’t done.

Sometimes the blog post is very short.

Never is my love for her gone.

About last night…

She came home last night, instead of being away, as was predicted. I was happy for this. While we’ve spent a lot of time together lately, we haven’t spent a lot of time together lately. :) I like our time of play and fun and joy. But as far as Madame and pup, we’ve kept it simmering on the back burner and kept it in our life, but we haven’t put it up on the front burner, nor have we put it into the pressure cooker.

Last night changed that. I had locked up the cock yesterday morning, but she let me unlock last night, which was kind. She also had told me to pick out some equipment I’d like to be tied up in for the night. So, naturally, I grabbed some LBD cuffs (not just because we like Danny, we love his handmade products because they rock! That’s not an affiliate link or anything!) and some hardware, a mindfold and looked for the stocking she wore on New Year’s eve. Turns out, I had tossed those out with the trash in my efficiency before trash day. Drat, no stocking.

She was tired, wanted a sleeping pill and cough medicine and was ready for bed earlier than normal, but that’s fine. I teased her about “I can’t believe you’re going to let Ian fuck you!” – as I have been working on a story where a man named Ian fucks her. We also talked about other things, some vanilla, some not. I rubbed her back.

“Get yourself bound, pup. It’s time.” She rolled over to watch me. I put together the ankle cuffs and clipped those together. I added the wrist cuffs. The collar.

“Anything else you need before I put this all together, Ma’am?”

“Pet me, pup. I’m fascinated in watching you. You’re fucking sexy.”

I smiled. “Thank you. You’re pretty fucking sexy too.” Her hand reached to my cock, felt it half hard and then she rolled over away from me, to her regular sleep position.

Bound up for the night

Bound up for the night

“Pet me now pup, then clip yourself together.” I put on the blindfold, then pet her until she was close enough to sleep and clipped myself together. My hands together and then to the neck of the collar. I wasn’t very tightly rigged up, but surely I wouldn’t be able to reach my cock, which she’d be happy with. And I wasn’t going to run off in the middle of the night because my ankles were clipped together.

I slept that way all night. I was able to pull a body pillow close to me. I slept pretty well, likely because she had cough medicine and a sleeping pill that let HER sleep well.


This morning we woke, her first, she uttered something to me and I asked if I could have a potty break. She said yes and several minutes later bid me to stand, had me pee into a cup telling me “I wouldn’t pee too much pup, whatever goes in this cup is what you’re drinking.” The blindfold over me helped me relax enough to pee, as she held the cup in front of me with one hand and my cock was in her other hand. I didn’t pee all that I might have as her threat seemed real to me. When I was done she held the cup to my mouth. “Open. Open up pup, I don’t want a mess.” She tipped the cup back, I sighed, opened my mouth… and she walked away with the cup.

“Lay back down” she said as she left the room.

Later, after I dozed some in the bed, she returned and unclipped my hands from my neck. “Get hard, now.” I stroked myself as she put her pussy over my face. She re-positioned me, climbed up on the bed and slid me directly into her pussy, balls deep. We both groaned. She rode her cock, using my cuffed together hands as a handle, whispering down to me about using me, fucking me, riding me. She whispered to me about Ian and how she was going to fuck him and bring back cum for me to lick. Soon I had to stop her. She watched me struggling behind my blindfold. She rode me again. Again I stopped her. “Pup, I want to fuck. Are you telling me I can’t fuck my toy now?”

“Yes! STOP! STOP!!!” she stopped, I struggled very hard. I had been pushed right to the edge. At the end of this edge, she managed to pick up merely a small amount of cum from the head of my cock, feed it to me and then dismount the bed.

“You’re a fun fuck toy. I love watching you struggle.”

And she does. She loves watching me struggle. I think that’s a large portion of the reason she keeps me on edge the way she does. I’m happy with that. While I would love to have her be able to just ride me however long she wants, I also love struggling for her because she wants to see that struggle. But some days I do dream of her just riding me until she cums, climbing off of me and telling me she’s done with me. It’s a beautiful idea.

On service

Last night, there were a few things that I needed to do before I could go to bed, but Madame had promptly rolled over to her side of the bed and was moving toward sleep before I was ready.

I did the dishes in the sink, whether or not they were ours. Then I pulled the laundry from the basement and proceeded to fold it. Then I put the clean dishes away, as Madame doesn’t like a full drainboard when she wakes up. I also prepped the coffee machine in there somewhere, so Madame had to simply press the button when she woke.

She did make some inquiry to me in which I responded I was just “doing the things” – and she knew that I was folding laundry, but she was likely in the dark about the other things I was doing. Sometimes I do those things after I pet her to sleep, but with her coughing and the cold, I wasn’t sure when she’d get to sleep, thus when I’d get a chance to work on them.

Man washing dishes naked at the sink

Man washing dishes naked at the sink

Sometimes I struggle with this side of service. And I think it’s related to how I desire feedback in many of the things I do. With my work with kink events, work in community volunteering, the day job and in my service to Mistress, I do need positive feedback. I know that. I can work a good long 16 hour shift setting up kink camp, but if someone there doesn’t acknowledge me specifically in some way and my work, I can tend to get cranky. And at work, if I help someone with their project and I don’t get my proper credit (I do work in an industry where credits are similar to movie credits – it might not be much, but they’re expected) I get cranky over that. And when I’ve been working to better our home and serving Madame, I absolutely crave and love her acknowledging my work. Even if it’s just a scratch behind the ears while she tells me that she noticed I did X, Y or Z – that goes a long long way.

But I’m not sure last night’s tepidness over doing the chores was a credit issue or whether it was just a kind of malaise. I’m stuck thinking about what it was. I could dismiss it as just being something related to our both being sick. That might be perfectly valid. We’ve been sick, not sleeping well and we’re tired. She has been working extra hard at the office and really just wants a couple days off. She is in a place I was at months ago, wherein I put in several very long and underappreciated weeks. I also expect that, sometime when I do get to see her, I’ll hear from her that she appreciated the work I did. She’s always good at that. In fact, this morning, before she left for work, she addressed me as slave, which is not insulting to me, but endearing. Usually I’m “pup”, but slave is less used. And I appreciated hearing it.

Of course, much of this is moot, as one of the roommates came home and ended up making shots, so the counter is a mess, the bar is a mess and it looks like I didn’t really do anything in the kitchen. *shrug* Such is the way of communal living sometimes.

So, I’m a little stuck in how I’m managing some of the service, the unseen service. But it really does need to be done, so it’s getting done.

Of course, it could also be my mind trying to trick me into not liking this service just because I haven’t cum in a few weeks and I think cumming should be some kind of reward. But then where’s the fun in that?

I think I’m going to write this all off as being infected by this cold and see where I can go from there. But while making tags for this post, I did give myself a little more idea of where to go on posting – so that’s certainly of benefit.


I’m wondering if I should play that number in the pick 4 lottery. It seems that 1881 is the number that represents some of my world in 2016.

18 is the number of times I ejaculated. Were it not for October, it would be 10. November was also a semi busy month with 4. I think October and the visit from Lady Jill was a great instigator in all of that (okay, she was responsible for a minority of those spills, but some of it was definitely her fault! (thank you, Miss!)).

81 is the number of days the cock was locked. Compared to so many folks in my blogroll and twitterverse, that’s NOTHING. There are people out there hitting 90 – 100% of time under lockdown. 22% is nothing to sneeze at, but it certainly pales in comparison. And that’s very much okay. But it’s a tool we use… that she uses… to enforce her will upon me. Typically it’s a good indicator of the number of days we spend apart. And if we spend around 20% of our time apart, that might be a little excessive and something to work on. But apart 1 in 5 days. Eep!

Madame asked me last night “Was 18 too many?” and I replied what was the correct answer – “It was as many as you let me have, so it was perfect.” And I do believe in that statement. If my orgasms belong to her, then she’ll let me have as many as she wants. In 2016, she wanted me to have 18 and that’s how many I had. Now, for 2017, I don’t know what she’ll want. I’m not sure she does either. Our lives wax and wane between chastity, open sex, denial, demand – and predicting or even goal setting on this kind of number could be hazardous.

Now, as far as the number 81, I’d be happy to see that number top 100, even if solely for the third digit. I might even like to see it top 182 – where we get from my mere 22% into 50% and beyond. But that is also up to her. And honestly, as I made use of this morning, I do love stroking the cock. Damn it does it feel good and let me wake up in a slow and joyful way.

So, I won’t let the numbers run our relationship (not that others who keep strict track do that, but their numbers may be their own semi-physical fetishes – and that’s totally cool – and hot) but I will, in the background, keep track of important numbers in relation to the practice of our FLR.

So, speaking of 1881, what happened in 1881?

  • Billy the kid escapes! (but not chastity)
  • Gilbert and Sullivan’s Patience debuted (now that is apropos)
  • Red Cross Founded (I’m not sure they would render me aid in my distress)
  • Sitting Bull surrenders (I’ve certainly surrendered on multiple occasions to Madame)
  • Gun fight at the OK Corral (Just 10 men shooting off in the middle of the day – actually only 30 rounds, by most accounts, but still, just shooting freely)

I had a great year with Madame. We had our ups and downs, but all relationships are like that. That she completely controlled me all year long is an important aspect. That is one of the key parts of the sexual side of our FLR and I couldn’t be happier for it to be so. Happy New Year everyone! (And in case you care, we’re at zero – zero today).


It’s the first day of the year. She went out last night and partied hard while I stayed out on the roads and tried to help people get from point A to point B while taking a little of their money in the process (uber). In the midst of one of the busier times of the night, she pinged me, I signed off, drove her home, then returned to the task at hand. I ended up being able to put her to bed and then joined her later. I woke before her, pet her, consoled her, fed her, put her back to bed, woke her again, helped her get herself into the shower and then, while working on our mudroom space (which needs to find room for a motorcycle to store over winter!?) I received a text from her.


I went to the bedroom to find her, freshly showered, in her new fluffy terrycloth robe, where I climbed up on the bed and provided a cock for her mouth. She worked on that until it became too much for her mouth to handle (it’s a hard thing to gag a hungover woman with your cock – okay sadist types, I hear you!) and then moved off the bed, at the foot of it, where I raised her robe, made us both wet and, in the word of a lovely friend of mine, “plunged” right into her as she continued to lay on her side.

I fucked her hard, pounding her well. She was dry from the hangover, I spit onto my cock and plunged deep again. She moaned loudly. She tried to reach out and touch my chest, I told her to touch herself.

“I want to watch you cum.” I pulled her leg up to open her up. She rolled over onto her back, I held her legs up and pounded her hard while her hand wrestled with her clit.

“Look at your swollen pussy, swallowing that cock. Beautiful pussy… ” she rubbed herself faster.

“gonnacumsoon” she gasped in one quick exhale.

I raised her legs higher, pounded her harder and told her to cum.

“Make that pussy squeeze me… look how beautifully swollen you are…. swallow that cock… ”

That was it. That was all she needed. Pushed to the edge, she started her tumble down. A few bounces on the way down the hill and then she soared over the edge of the cliff, flying, soaring, a big beautiful cum and sliding deep into the abyss of orgasm.

“dontstop” she gasped. I pounded.

It was beautiful, lovely, hot, she gushed. I told her “I think you squirted, it’s so wet!” I knew it wasn’t me. And yet, I knew she didn’t squirt either, because it was inside. She simply gushed inside.

“You’re so wet!”

“I am…. ” she breathed.

I pumped slowly. She was so very wet and it was so beautifully slick. Her pussy grabbed at the head of my cock just slightly differently and I was aroused in a different way. I pumped slowly.

“May I?” I looked at her, my head shaking side to side so very slightly.

She looked back. “Please??? ” I implored.

She smiled. “Please, Ma’am?” I begged.

“No.” she replied. “No.”

“Oh, please Mistress, please!”


I continued to pump slowly. She allowed my movement. I wrestled with the possibility of making my way into an orgasm (without ejaculating) but I knew I couldn’t get there.

I whimpered a last plaintive “please”.


Clean me.”

I pumped.

“Clean. Me.”



I withdrew. I knelt. I licked. I sucked. I cleaned her. It was all her and I knew from the taste that I was not me. The wetness was all hers.


I stopped. She pulled her legs back onto the bed, then sat on the edge of bed and I helped her up.

“That was a good one.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed Ma’am.”

“I certainly did. Good boy.”

And now my very hungover and beautiful Mistress found her footing, made her way onto the next part of her day and left me denied. And as I’ve written before, her denial of me is often my reward. I am thrilled with her one word. Happy New Year.

The year in review – and a look ahead

I don’t feel it obligatory, but the end of a year in our human world is very much a terminus and a rebirth. It does offer an excellent opportunity to reflect and look back but even more so – look forward.

I look forward to the next year with hopeful promise. While Madame’s world is not where she wants it to be right now, the adjustments in her world have allowed she and I to grow closer. She was planning to take an undetermined length sabbatical from New England and pursue a passion. That would have separated us for an indeterminate length of time, except for visits. Instead, changes within her family dynamic caused her to postpone those plans and focus more on staying here and tending to some family issues. It’s all been mostly good for her, but it has been a strain. Some of the strains were further compounded, which put her under heavier pressure. It’s really been a heck of a year for her and not in way she had planned.

My year has been good. Work has had its moments of great joy and of great pain-in-the-ass-ness. I do love my job, but damn it doesn’t my company sometimes make some really weird decisions. While I wield great power within my realm at the office, I am not given THAT much power outside my small realm and there’s no hope of advancement so long as the same people remain there above me. So, I continue to keep my head down, do my job excellently and pursue more challenges at the office to improving the finite systems I am in charge of. It works; mostly. I did interview for another position somewhere, but that was mostly a practice interview and I learned a lot from it. It pointed to some of my deficiencies should I want to step up the ladder, even if that ladder is in some other company.

My life with my kids is good, though they’re teenagers and that adds its own challenges. I maintain that I’ll stay geographically close to them until they graduate high school and those dates are well defined and while I thought they were far off – they’re barreling straight toward me.

I also wrangled the failure of a car and a computer, which were very stressful financially and I was without a car for 21 days – in summer. It was worse than being denied orgasm for 21 days! And even now, I’m working on financially paying back the failures of those two things, which will feel good once it’s done. (February?)

So, now, back to the blog. You know, the one where I talk about Female Led Relationships and kinky things? Yeah…

Madame and I have grown closer as a FLR couple. I feel her confidence in my abilities has been underscored by the recent problems in our world. When she had to drop everything for a family member, I maintained the household and got her the things she needed. When Christmas came to town, I wrangled the decor, a good deal of shopping and I planned a great weekend of food, drink, family and friends. I pulled off epic meals that everyone was pleased with and wonderful drinks to help enhance the meals.

He serves the ladies

He serves the ladies

Food, wine, liquor, beer and kids drinks were all available and nobody wanted for anything. It was great. She had left all the details up to me and I ran with it. I think she was rather pleased. I also was able to assemble a group of friends and family to pitch in on a gift for her that none of us could afford alone, but will help propel her into her next world where she can take that sabbatical and pursue that dream. I did most of that right under her nose as well and she was surprised I had pulled it off.

Though my world has had its troubles and problems, I know that all my problems are first world problems and are ones that I can surmount and survive. And even Madame’s problems were turned into service opportunities for me. In a way, her problems have allowed me to present to her a better service animal, one that can deal with my own shit and deal with hers too. And I know that this has been a point of contention between the two of us before. I have learned more about how to serve her better and still be able to let her know when and how I would like my needs met. While it’s simple and easy to think that a submissive just might want to “get off” as what they’re looking for, she and I both know that this is not the case for me. She knows that as a reward, I’d rather have her sit on my face, or have her pull my face deep into her as I clean her. A reward is sleeping in bed with her holding the leash to my collar. A reward would be having her put me into bondage for bed some night and leave me on the floor. We realized long ago that my rewards are given more in her words, touches and caresses (and caning and spankings and…) than just in letting me have a cum. In fact, one of my favorite rewards is when she gets me close and whispers in that oh so sexy voice of hers “Do you want to cum? Do you?” and I’ll beg to let me cum – but she simply replies “No” and stops. And smiles at me.

So, I look back and I see that I was granted many service opportunities. And I excelled at many of them. For that, I am happy. I believe Mistress is happy too. I also see that some goals I set for myself previously have been fulfilled, including financial goals and that makes me happy. I see challenges ahead for the both of us and I see much opportunity as well. I see a chance to continue to deepen my service to her. I see opportunities to write more in the blog and provide people a better read and better content, not just on the salacious details of what’s going on (though I’ll keep that up if you like, just let me know!) but on the ideas that are going through my head as I serve and learn. I have challenges in interacting with my kids and seeing about getting them more future proofed. I see challenges for helping our country in the next 4 years too, as we’re going to need some. And challenges in my volunteer efforts as well.

I look forward to the challenges ahead and I look back to try and learn from the failures and “not quite failures” of the past and make things better for the future. I mean, that’s kind of what we’re supposed to do, right?

Now that's a release!And for those who have read and commented and interacted with us on the blog, I want to say thank you. While our stats remain small compared with many other sites out there, I do know that some of the folks reading it are happy to and enjoy the posts. And I’ll keep it up. It’s a good outlet and I do enjoy the interactions with the readers. Thank you for reading. I hope you stick with us.

Happy New Year to all, I hope it brings you good challenges that propel you to being a better you, whatever that may mean. I’ll be out serving the public in my car tonight but I’ll raise a glass with you all tomorrow at brunch. Cheers!