Last month, we had a lovely encounter with another FLR couple who came to Maine for a visit. We did not know these people, but John had found them through a mutual following on Twitter. They reached out to him, saying that they were coming to our neck of the woods in Maine to visit the area and wanted to know if we wanted to get together for a drink. John made the arrangements and I ended up meeting the group after a previous engagement had ended.
To say they were delightful is an understatement. Both of them were wonderful and fun, and right away we recognized that their FLR dynamic was similar to our own. What started as a drink turned into 3 fun days of getting together for sight seeing, exploring Portland, shared meals and sexy cocktails in groovy places. We clicked immediately, and both john and I enjoyed the ease, companionship and shared joy that we all experienced. It seemed to me that She and I were the chatters of the group, whereas the men were a bit more on the quiet side. Although….it might be more accurate to say that the boys were perfectly average in their ease of banter while the women were exceptional. Yes…..this is a more accurate statement. Here’s why this is worth mentioning:
During one stop along the way, we were nestled on some comfy couches at a restaurant in front of a fire. Some appetizers had been ordered and placed before us as She and I were busy chatting away. I became aware that her boy alternated between watching us chat and looking down at the food. Back and forth his hopeful and handsome face would drift, and yet no food was touched. It struck me as mildly curious but then soon, he was able to catch Her attention and asked if she would like a bite. Her response was “No, not yet, thank you….but you may begin” to which he thanked her and began tasting….but only after he offered to prepare me a plate. So well trained!
A curious look must have passed across my face, as She looked at me, smiled brightly and said “Oh, it’s one of my rules. I tend to be more of the talker and have missed out on too many sips and bites because he will finish eating and drinking before I have even begun. So, I had to create a rule. I am to be offered the first and last bite and sip of whatever he his having. It works perfectly”.
I loved this! What a brilliant, simple, sexy idea! I have often had very similar experiences with John and had not really come up with a reasonable solution about how to deal with it. I often found it awkward to be in a social setting and find myself wanting to chastise john for not remembering to offer me a taste of his unusual cocktail or meal before he had finished it. Generally, he is pretty good about sharing, but not always, and too many times as we would leave a restaurant and head to the car, I would address him sternly but it was always after the fact. I never liked how those parking lot moments could put a damper on an otherwise lovely evening. John is a good, good boy and I dislike being displeased with him.
This is what I love about spending time with other D/s people……some of the best, most practical things are ideas that are born of others. Some ideas I have stolen outright, and others I have modified for a better fit. This idea…..the ‘first bite/last sip’ rule I mimicked entirely, and it became law as of 01/01/2018.
This is a creative solution as we live with vanillas and often navigate two different worlds. It would probably seem strange for us to be at home and for him to outwardly ask Me if I wanted a bite of the same exact meal we are all sharing as a household. To avoid that, I have added a rule. He is not allowed to have the first or last bite of a meal until I indicate he is allowed to begin eating. He is to wait patiently, plate untouched. I will either exercise my right to take that first bite, or I will casually and discreetly give a ‘thumbs up’ sign (often camouflaged by my running my fingers through my hair) which lets him know that I acknowledge his offering, but am declining it and he may begin his meal.
I really like this. It’s another leash he can wear no matter where we are or whom we are with. It makes him be attentive to me despite whatever distractions may be going on around us. It is a daily exercise in expectation and protocol….things that vacillate for us. And in an odd way, it makes me feel a bit more connected to our new friends, which I like too. It keeps a bit of their lovely spirit alive and well within us. I smile as I recall the first time I saw the rule in action….him kneeling between the coffee table and the couch, prepared to serve Her, blending in so naturally in a historic restaurant. With one small wave of her hand, this beautiful woman commanded her boy in a way that seemed effortless and stunning. How could one not steal a page from a playbook such as that?? Thank you, Texas. Your spirit lingers in Maine.