ISO update…picking

4771155337_9dd3712bca_zWell, this will prove to be a busy week. I got back from my trip and the emails continue. If you don’t know, a few weeks ago I placed an ad seeking an additional, submissive play partner for john and myself. This is something we have discussed many, many times over the years (and fantasized about), and finally, we feel that we are at a place in our world where we can comfortably seek this sort of thing.

I placed an ad in craigslist.

People often seem surprised when I mention this, as though craigslist has deteriorated so much in quality that I’d be a fool to seek anything from within its pages. Not true. I have rarely come across the fakes that others say infest the site. I am not denying that there is some of that out there, but I just don’t really come across it that often.

A few years ago, I corresponded with someone that I really liked, and I suggested a public meeting time and place. I heard back from him, and he was horrified. He admitted that he had been lying to me, toying with me, playing a game with me because he did not think I was real. When I asked about meeting, he realized I was indeed very real, and he was tripping over himself to apologize. I kind of liked him for his humbleness and honesty. No, I didn’t meet him;  when I learned his truth, he did not meet the criteria I was looking for, and I sent him away with his tail tucked, but I think we both had positive things we took away from the experience.

I simply have found good things out there. Good people.

I am meeting 3 of them this week. Short, easy coffee dates. One lunch date.

All are quiet different than one another.

I am wondering what it will be like when we actually meet. We have spent a fair amount of time writing, sharing, opening, revealing, asking, answering. These exchanges make us familiar to one another. We have grown to like and respect one another thus far because we have come this far.

But I also know that all of this very much has a lot to do with chemistry. If it isn’t there, then it’s probably going to go no where. It’s a two way street, this chemistry thing. Perhaps they are worried that I might not like them when I meet them. Well, guess what? I face that too. Although, I wouldn’t say I ‘worry’, but I dislike rejection as much as anyone else. Rejection is not easy. But it is a reality. When I say I don’t worry, that doesn’t mean I don’t feel a bit nervous too, because I do. The bottom line is that I found john on craigslist because I placed one ad, for one day, 10 years ago. I got gold the first time I tried, and I never stop feeling lucky about that. I remember the fear of rejection, and how wonderful john was. He taught me things I carry with me to this day.

One of the ones that has emerged from the “ISO” ad is a lovely TG person I will call stephi. I was not expecting to find stephi, but something about her found its way to me. I think it is her writing; she is good at it, and that impresses me. She seems honest, caring, fun, easy, comfortable. It’s just a feeling I get. I think about meeting her, and I am wondering if I might like to keep her for myself. I smile wickedly and playfully when I think this. She is sort of like picking out what I want for dinner, instead of what we want for dinner. I know john’s taste, so I feel confident he’ll like the same things, but in this case, it is my pleasure that is coming first.

But truthfully, all 3 sound lovely. That is where I am for now. I think for another contender, I have built up a very high hope, and I am a bit worried about it being dashed. If if sounds too good to be true then it just might be. In this case, I am wondering if perhaps I am not what he seeks. We shall see. Starting tomorrow.

Oddly, I still get replies trickling in from that ad. I am amazed how far back in the CL archives some people go, but I am still getting a few replies. I don’t love this part; it’s a lot of writing and awkward beginnings. I like getting past the beginnings.

I am curious.

I am hopeful.

I am excited.

I am open.

 

4 thoughts on “ISO update…picking

  1. This is so exciting. The time is getting close and I can’t wait to hear about how your meetings go. Good luck.

    Is John excited, nervous, jealous, some of all of the above … ?

    • I think he is excited and nervous. I do not see him being jealous. He is hardly ever jealous. Neither of us are overly prone to that particular emotion, but out of the two of us, it is me that can feel that way far more than him.

      john knows that things are in store for him. He knows that even if I have to go back to the drawing board, I will not stop until I make this a reality. I will keep seeking, searching. I have whispered far too many fantasies for far too long for this to not happen. We have waiting a long time to be able to live out loud in this way. The time has come. I am excited! Very! :-)

    • I am excited at the potential, yes. But we have made some attempts at this in the past and it really has been difficult to find a good fit. So I’m cautiously optimistic.

      Jealous? No. I’m not really the jealous type. There are a couple vanilla friends of Madame that do things that sometimes irk me, but don’t make me jealous. And as far as Madame taking up with another partner to have on her own, well, she’s in charge, that’s her prerogative and her right in how we’ve agreed to operate. So if I get jealous over it, I’ll have to talk with her about it. But jealousy is not really “in” me.

      Now, talking about being ignored… if she were to find other partners and ignore me in favor of them, that… that I would have a problem with. In a previous relationship my partner was not very sexually active and we ended that relationship in large part because of that lack of intimacy (and general intimacy). And when that partner wasn’t being affectionate and intimate, I retreated away from her. I did visit other BDSM partners, but even those didn’t really help the situation in the end. But being ignored is something that I cannot take. And Madame knows that. Even sometimes when she’s headed to bed early she will directly tell me “I am not ignoring you. I am just tired.” and make sure that I’m okay.

      Nervous? Yes, a little, but I trust Madame to take charge of my safety, so I’m not too nervous. I would love for us to find some regular play partners that we can add to our world. It’s long been something we’ve wanted and I am hoping that we can find the right person.

      I am excited that we might have a regular cock in our world. I have to admit that I really do enjoy playing with men and it does seem as though if you’re not gay, it’s harder to find male partners to play with. In fact, just keeping a post on Craigslist can be a challenge when you’re looking for men. I love playing with cocks and balls and would love to gain more experience in being fucked by them. I’ve had a few, but not a lot of experience. I’d really like to get to the point where playing with men at our camp events is a bit easier, meaning, I am more used to taking cock than I am now.

      Time will tell. I’m hoping for good things. It will come to us, I am sure.

  2. Hope this works out for the two of you. We’ve had lots of problems finding extra play partners who get what we are looking for. You would think the role of cuckolder would be appealing. The fact is that few guys get it.

    Mick

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