Today is day 88 of my boy not being permitted to have a cum.
By the time we leave for our kinky vacation in mid June, and by the time we get there, it will be 112 days of no relief, no release, no significant spills.
I love the dance that comes with this kind of denial. It gets to a point where his desperation makes him slavish. He gets so hungry for something that he can’t have, something he is so close to, but is not allowed to touch. I think of this, and I can picture his lovely face, his beautiful head among the pillows…..thrashing, yearning, craning, reaching. It’s a beautiful, aching torture that I never tire of watching.
His eyes can get unfocused as he looks up at me. There is a soulful pleading in those eyes, one that begs for permission to cum, and the at the same time, one that implores that the denial continues.
And continue it does. I do not know if he will be allowed to have sweet release from this cage during our vacation. We have done this before… gone through prolonged periods of denial, mixed in with healthy doses of being under lock and key. But generally speaking, I have allowed him that glorious moment before, where all of the “No’s” that he has heard over the months suddenly and unexpectedly become a whispered “Yes”, and his body is shuddering and spasming and releasing him from his captivity as his mind blinks and hesitates in almost bewildered disbelief. It is in this exact moment that I cannot contain my smile. It is this moment that I drink in as his body arches off the bed, yearning up towards me, trying to fall into My soul for some kind of safekeeping lest he be swept entirely away. It’s a small moment that has enormous emotion attached to it. Sometimes there is a cry at the end, where the noises are soft, and yet the gripping upon whatever part of my body he can hold on to is fierce. I hold him in those moments, and I soothe, and I smile.
And then…..when the moment has passed, and the petting has ceased and the mess has been cleaned up… I smile at My boy, I look down upon his lovely being, and I reset the clock again. Because it all starts with day 1.