I know I still haven’t written about all the wonderful things that camp had to offer, but camp is still with me. And on top of that, my denial continues. And my submission to Chloe continues. And it’s not stopped. And that’s unusual for us. Usually we take a bit of a break. This year, perhaps because we are living together 24/7 and living a much more FLR, we haven’t taken a break. Even with me having my children for weeks at a time, I am still Chloe’s boy. And she’s continued to run with it.
And that’s where I find myself at risk of falling in too deeply. I can, sometimes, fall very deeply into my submission to her. Into that place where I will do anything for her. And I trust her completely, which is good, but damn, I could be at some serious risk here. And it’s not like I’m going to jump off a bridge for her, but the primary risk is that of losing myself – my “John-ness” which attracts her to me – in favor of my submissiveness. I suppose the easiest way to describe it is that I could turn from that nice strong guy she loves to be around (and loves to torture) into the doormat slave that goes into the “Yes, Mistress” to all the queries she makes. And that doormat kind of submissive is not what either of us find sexy. And yet, I’m at risk of being there.
I think that, after the kids head back to their mother and I can get a break for a few days, I’ll be okay. Once I can get some of the writing out of my brain and into the screen, I’ll have purged some of the deeper submissiveness and made room for that John guy.
In the meantime, I have made my more dominant side make an appearance or two, which is heartening. And I think that if I were not as switchy as I am, I would definitely slip into being a very submissive slave and into the doormat world of slaves. And while that may be okay for some, it’s certainly not our kink. I just have to see where we are evolving in our kink and how we both fit into it.
Okay, so more writing to come, including more Dude in Distress and clothespins and pee and more teasing and denial than you can shake a cane at!