Will another fantasy become reality?

Continuing to make time for blogging… Let me relate a story from last week. I had a little idle time at the office – time where I can’t really leave where I’m at, but not really time to work on any other project. It happens where I get stuck in a chair for 18 minutes, but can’t leave. So, onto my phone I go and wander through my porn feed or I might check out Craigslist. And that’s where I saw this:

I am visiting 7/11 to 7/14 on business and am looking to get together with couples at my hotel in the evenings. I am looking specifically for couples with cuckold fantasies and for couples with experience.

Like many submissive men who are in relationships that are open, I have fantasies of Madame cuckolding me. In fact, it happened just a week or so before I saw this ad. Madame had spent some time with a dominant man who took her to dinner, they then had some consensual BDSM play and he fucked her thoroughly. Madame had returned from that visit the next morning and by the time I saw her had not showered since the last bout of fucking so she used that against me as I kissed her body in our bed. “Can you taste his cock, pup? Can you taste his cum?”

I’m pretty confident that she didn’t actually take his cum inside her, but I’m not sure. And while we generally play safely, it is her prerogative to do what she wants if she is with another man. If that means letting him fill her with cum, then that is how it will be.

Back to present day… I forwarded the ad from Craigslist to Madame. At this point, I hadn’t seen the picture that was associated with the ad, just the text. Turns out my Craigslist app wasn’t providing pictures. Later I looked up the ad at home as Mistress was writing an email to this bull. That’s when I saw the man’s very long straight cock. It was certainly longer than mine, but not necessarily thicker. I commented to Madame that I was just now seeing the picture and she commented “I know that cock will make you gag” and smiled widely at me. “I can’t wait to hear you choking on it.”

She sent the reply and, as it was a late notice thing, we had to end up trying to keep current schedules open to accommodate the bull and his cock and his desire to fuck my Mistress – and maybe me.

It’s very difficult to find sane, clean men that want to play with a couple like us. We’ve tried a few times but only really found one connection so far. Madame has found some men to play with her, but we’ve only incorporated one Craigslist find into our combined world.

So, to move from the dearth of Craigslist finds to actually replying to someone about a possible bull and cuckold situation – that’s quite a leap for us. It’s very exciting. Chloe knows I would be happy to watch her and/or participate, but I think she’s been trying to see if it’s fantasy or reality from my mind. And it’s absolutely reality that I want to see my Mistress pleasured by someone else. Whether that’s a cuckolding situation for me remains to be seen if she’s up for that, but I think that it really has moved into a wanted reality. We shall have to see. In the meantime, I’ve asked “Should I keep searching?” and she has given her approval to continue looking.

We did not hear back from him in time. Perhaps he was booked up already, perhaps he didn’t like the pictures we sent. Perhaps he was just a picture collector. But we did send a reply and Madame certainly made moves to make this happen. And now I think I’ll have a little more idle time in that same chair tomorrow. So perhaps I’ll have another chance to search.

Date with a stranger


So, yes….back to the story of my whirlwind adventure…..

I do enjoy Collarspace from time to time. It is one of those sites where I will not log in for many months, but then I do, and it’s entertaining and fresh and fruitful. And then it gets old, and I disappear from it again.

It is nearly always the way someone writes that gets and holds my attention. This one in particular that squeezed my brain had no picture attached to it, had no descending order of likes and dislikes, and really didn’t have much except a couple of well written paragraphs that pulled at all my pink bits. Don’t forget that I fell head over heels for john because of how he engaged my mind. He figured out early on how to play with my biggest sex organ, and he played vvvvery well.

This guy wasn’t quiet like that (you never do get over your first, do you??), but it was reminiscent of that, and I liked it. I liked it a lot.

I have had my itches to bottom satisfied by john. I do not always feel the need to search outside of that, but I do every once in a while. I am at risk often for wanting to ‘top from the bottom’. I am very prone to that sort of thing. If I do search for a playful top, they can really only get and hold my attention if they take no shit from me. I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to bottom and ended up topping midway through. I don’t generally mind that….but it’s a pretty cool thing when someone starts on top and stays on top.

Many tantalizing emails went back and forth between this stranger and me. And not tantalizing in a way that would make anyone else notice, probably, but they worked very well for my particular set of likes. I was hooked. All of my senses were alive and in overdrive…..including my sense of intuition.

A seed got planted about a month ago. It basically said, “Hey. I have to travel to Philly for a night. Take the train down to Boston, hop in my car, spend the night with me in a hotel, I’ll do terrible things to you, and then you can head back to Maine the next day. What do you think?”

What do I think, he asks?? Meaning, you want me to…..

Hop in a car with a stranger?

Travel 7 states away where I don’t know anyone?

Spent a night, and we haven’t even met for coffee?

Terrible things??? What sort of terrible things?? Define ‘terrible’. Please.

Of course I said yes.

<insert big smile here…..>

I am NOT advocating this. This is not typically how I behave. If a friend came to me and said, “Hey, this is what I am thinking of doing with a stranger….”, I would grab them by the shoulders, shake hard, and say, “Are you nuts??!!!  You can’t do that!!!!” slapslapslap…..

But the point it, I did it. I am resisting about writing about all of the behind the scenes precautions I took, the conversations I had with john, the wrestling back and forth, the emails that implored “Please don’t be an ax murderer”, the fact that he never did actually say that he wasn’t (I’m smiling), and all that factored in. I am not going to write about that, because I would be doing it for the wrong reasons. I don’t want anyone to think I am careless beyond reason. I am not. In the end, I figured that my chances of getting killed by a car as I drove in my home town or crossed a street were about as high as me being killed by a man who has a great career and kids in college.

The fact that he stopped and bought rope and a knife with me standing by his side only confirmed this for me.


So, away I went. I hopped on board, bought the ticket, took the ride, ended up in Boston, stood facing the sun at the terminal, and waited for the stranger to come pick me up.

John had me on friend finder; he could see exactly where I was. He could see the buildings all around me. He knew I was nervous too. I could feel john watching me, and watching out for me. We had our time and tested precautions in place. I was ready. Nervous as hell, but ready.

I was missing john as I stood waiting. The sun felt good on my face. It felt familiar, warm. It felt good to be communicating with john. That too felt familiar and warm.

And then both were gone. My concentration in my writing broke and the sun went away, replaced by a sudden and looming shadow.

Out of nowhere, it seemed, he just appeared…stranger danger man. He stood before me, upon me so quickly, I didn’t even see him coming. I couldn’t even really focus quickly. I stared up at him, saw the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and heard the question, “Chloe??” and that was it….our game of thrones had begun.

to be continued……….






What’s a picture worth?


As full and wonderful as our kinky world so often is, I still find myself seeking opportunities that I can bring home in order to fold them  into our world.

To begin with, I am a “squirreler”. I tend to squirrel certain things, for certain reasons. This is a delicate thing for me, because I am also one who does not like clutter and mess. I like things organized and airy whenever possible. But I do know that I squirrel things at times. It would not be unusual to open one of my drawers and find 6 additional chap sticks, and a little zip lock of rubber bands than one could possibly use, because those things are not easily replaced or duplicated when needed.

Much like the harboring of things, I like to seek opportunities. I will often keep my eye on events, or people, or cruise through Craigslist in search of something that might catch my eye and imagination. I typically don’t have anything specific in mind when I do this, and in general, I am inherently a  cautious person. If possible, I watch unobserved. I will perve a profile on Fetlife that gets my attention, and many times, I will reach out when it seems right to do so.

Sometimes I am ignored, and sometimes I am not. It all depends.

And, there have been few times when I have placed an ad on Craigslist. I think I have done this around five times in ten years. The act of placing an ad is one of those things where I feel I need to roll up my sleeves and brace myself for the onslaught.

If you are a woman seeking something that has to do with anything remotely sounding like sex, you’re gonna get hammered, and that is just the way it is.

Throw a little dominance in there, and it’s practically a concert in your inbox.

I do not place pictures of myself in those ads, I do not make things sound sexy or vulgar or promising. If anything, I write an ad that says too little. I have learned that the more you write, the greater the chance of getting flagged.

Initially, it is easy to sort through the stuff I don’t want. I make it a point to reply to everyone who responds. I think that is only courteous, even if their reply says, “I’d luv to cum on your face with my manstick. Hit me up”. Those replies are the kind I like to fuck around with. I try and make myself sound like the Queen of England when I respond, damn near killing them with proper politeness. I usually never hear from them again, which is the entire point.

Next, I find out if they are long distance or married. If the answer to those questions is “yes”, then they get a polite wave goodbye too.

If they cannot spell and have such mistakes in their responses to my ad that it is obvious they did not proof read what they were writing to me, they do not make the cut.

If they are uninteresting, I am uninterested. It is that simple.

If I get a cock shot, I send back a “Thanks for writing, good luck with your search” and attach a picture of a flamingo and hit delete button.

And then, there is the rest. Some are perfectly fine, but don’t provide any crumbs that lead me along their path. I end up wandering away pretty quickly.

This leaves the last two percent. And in this, persistence can pay off.

If I get one or two emails in that two percent, and they can write, and they capture my attention, and they are interesting, polite and genuine?? Oh wow…..you’d better watch out. I’m interested.

If you can paint pictures with your words, you are an artist worth knowing.

This is what gets me, in a good way. I cannot describe it any more than that, other than to say it is a mix of being confident and humble; curious and stoic. Humorous and genuine.

If someone writes with me, and they get into my head, I like them. It is really that simple. An attraction and interest grows for me, and it takes perennial root. Get my mind hooked, and I am going to want to know you.

What often will kill the buzz for me is when someone ends up including a picture of themselves. Oh, I dislike when they do that. Please don’t send a picture unless I ask. If you have my attention, I don’t really care what you look like. I will determine if there is physical chemistry when we meet. And you will do the same about me. A picture ends up demystifying all that I have in my mind and imagination, and I like keeping those things exclusive.

Poor john….my john. He sent me a picture after we emailed for over a month, and I was disappointed when he did. And he is a very handsome man. I didn’t like the photo, and I didn’t like how he denied me part of the mystery. It all turned out fine in the end, of course, but I still tease him about that. And for gods sake…he was wearing a baseball hat in his photo….not a good luck for him! I smile.

I am going through that now. Trying to squirrel away a few opportunities for future use for john. And t. And maybe p. I am building on ideas. I am toying with possibilities. I am building cunning plans.

I like cunning plans. The pictures running through my head are half the fun.







Two dates in 2 days.

16470696989_a45113a33f_zAnother winner. I have had two dates in two days as a result of my Craigslist ad, and they were both terrific. I am lucky, happy, blessed, even. I have not had to deal with anything uncomfortable or unfortunate. I hate having to say to someone, “Thanks, but no thanks”. Rejection is terribly hard. I don’t like having to administer it, and I don’t like receiving it, either.

But very happily, I don’t have to talk about that in this post. I tried to be very selective in who I decided to meet. I do not want to take on more than I can chew, more than what is fair.

What did I almost love most about meeting these two submissives?? They were so very different from one another. I don’t even feel there is a competition (and I never wanted it to feel that way, to be structured that way). They are in different places developmentally (meaning, in their D/s development). One is more open, more ready, more confident, more eager and fun. That person is date number one. I loved his energy. He appears to me to be “turn key ready”. I love that and am totally turned on by it.

Date number 2 is a wee bit more tentative. More inquisitive. Has a bit of a “deer in the headlights” look about him. I will admit that this delighted me. I could see his nervousness, and he admitted a few times from across the table that he was terrified. I got a thrill from this, in a very compassionate way, of course. Isn’t it the sexiest feeling of all to be aroused and nervous at the same time???

His terror reminds me of my own, once upon a time. I will write about that another day, absolutely not now. But it resonates with me. He inspires me to want to show him a bit of what this is all about, and do it the right way.

I have thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed my two experiences. I can’t say that enough.

But this comes with some challenges too. I am writing publicly about two human beings, with two different personality types. They have feelings, hearts, desires, tender places like we all do. I know they read this blog. Talk about feeling naked!!! I feel naked knowing that I am writing and they are probably reading. But I promised from the minute I became kinky that I would always be honest. I was not honest once, one time, to one person, and I have lived with that regret since then. I will write about that too some day. Not now, but some day soon.

So, I am going to write about this experience, and I am going to be honest…no matter who might be reading.

Date number 2 has me inspired to teach. I want to be a good teacher to him. I want to get things from him, yes. Totally. I am not entirely sure that he grasps what I want for service. I worry a bit because he seems to work really hard in his vanilla world. A hard job, where he labors a lot. I struggle with some guilt in situations like that. I find it hard to say, “Hi. Welcome to my dungeon. I am very glad you are here for the day. We are going to work and play and work. You have chores to do today. I want the bathroom cleaned, the mudroom organized, the car washed. You will do those things, and I will make it fun, and we will play but you will do those things because you are my submissive, and that is what I want of you right now”.

Why do I find it hard? Well, because the nice part of me knows that this guy (date number 2) works physically hard and I am a bit uneasy saying, “Hi, welcome to your weekend. Come work some more”. BUT….BUT, BUT, BUT….I also placed this ad with very clear expectations that work is a part of what we do. I work hard, and I want a fully compliant, submissive pet to work along side of me. And, many times, harder than I do. So, if someone does not want this, then they can tell me that they are not the submissive I am looking for, and all would be fine. I would very much appreciate their honesty.

So, there is that. I do not have these feelings with date number one. I pretty much want to work him right away. He seems up for the adventure and joy of learning about one another, and I am chomping a bit to get it started. I smile when I think about it. I think john will like him. I really do. I am most hopeful that they have good energy for one another. With date number 2, I need to get him to get Me first, and then I can work on seeing what sparks might fly between he and john. Good sparks, that is.

And hey….I am not at all discounting that I might just decide to have date number two as my own private toy/minion. Maybe I’ll want that. It will unfold as it is meant to be….I feel certain of this.

AND….I am not at all discounting the fact at all that I just had two dates, where we did a “meet and greet”. They could absolutely send me an email and say, “It was nice to meet you, but I’m not into you that much. Good luck”. I 100% know that I could be rejected. It hasn’t happened yet, and I hope it doesn’t, but I realize that it might. And if it does, back to the drawing board I go. :-)

I have to be mindful of my compassionate side. It can get in my way sometimes. I am determined with this search to be a bit less of the nice person I usually am and more of the loving bitch I really want to be. I placed an ad, yes, because I want a plaything for john, but I also want to better spread some of my own dominant wings. I want to improve. Get better.  Get sexier. And I need actual people to do that. I need the opportunity to put fantasy to life. I will not get it right all the time and I both need and want good people who can help shape me and guide me. Any submissive I have is not going to be a doormat. If I want a door mat, I’ll go buy a  doormat. They will shape me as I shape them. That is what this is about to me. Or, a big part of it, anyway.

So, that’s the update. For now.

John’s post for today is very interesting. I don’t know if he published it or not, but he asked me to read it, and I did. It’s hot. It kind of messes with my head a bit, in the most delicious of ways, of course. Maybe this is one of those rare, rare times when we are both feeling dominant. Two rams, locking horns, vying for top dog, grinning at one another from ear to ear as we secure our footing and jockey for position.

I will win.

I will absolutely win. He wears a collar every single day. I do not.

I will win because I will order him to lose.

This is the coolest thing ever!!!!!



ISO update…picking

4771155337_9dd3712bca_zWell, this will prove to be a busy week. I got back from my trip and the emails continue. If you don’t know, a few weeks ago I placed an ad seeking an additional, submissive play partner for john and myself. This is something we have discussed many, many times over the years (and fantasized about), and finally, we feel that we are at a place in our world where we can comfortably seek this sort of thing.

I placed an ad in craigslist.

People often seem surprised when I mention this, as though craigslist has deteriorated so much in quality that I’d be a fool to seek anything from within its pages. Not true. I have rarely come across the fakes that others say infest the site. I am not denying that there is some of that out there, but I just don’t really come across it that often.

A few years ago, I corresponded with someone that I really liked, and I suggested a public meeting time and place. I heard back from him, and he was horrified. He admitted that he had been lying to me, toying with me, playing a game with me because he did not think I was real. When I asked about meeting, he realized I was indeed very real, and he was tripping over himself to apologize. I kind of liked him for his humbleness and honesty. No, I didn’t meet him;  when I learned his truth, he did not meet the criteria I was looking for, and I sent him away with his tail tucked, but I think we both had positive things we took away from the experience.

I simply have found good things out there. Good people.

I am meeting 3 of them this week. Short, easy coffee dates. One lunch date.

All are quiet different than one another.

I am wondering what it will be like when we actually meet. We have spent a fair amount of time writing, sharing, opening, revealing, asking, answering. These exchanges make us familiar to one another. We have grown to like and respect one another thus far because we have come this far.

But I also know that all of this very much has a lot to do with chemistry. If it isn’t there, then it’s probably going to go no where. It’s a two way street, this chemistry thing. Perhaps they are worried that I might not like them when I meet them. Well, guess what? I face that too. Although, I wouldn’t say I ‘worry’, but I dislike rejection as much as anyone else. Rejection is not easy. But it is a reality. When I say I don’t worry, that doesn’t mean I don’t feel a bit nervous too, because I do. The bottom line is that I found john on craigslist because I placed one ad, for one day, 10 years ago. I got gold the first time I tried, and I never stop feeling lucky about that. I remember the fear of rejection, and how wonderful john was. He taught me things I carry with me to this day.

One of the ones that has emerged from the “ISO” ad is a lovely TG person I will call stephi. I was not expecting to find stephi, but something about her found its way to me. I think it is her writing; she is good at it, and that impresses me. She seems honest, caring, fun, easy, comfortable. It’s just a feeling I get. I think about meeting her, and I am wondering if I might like to keep her for myself. I smile wickedly and playfully when I think this. She is sort of like picking out what I want for dinner, instead of what we want for dinner. I know john’s taste, so I feel confident he’ll like the same things, but in this case, it is my pleasure that is coming first.

But truthfully, all 3 sound lovely. That is where I am for now. I think for another contender, I have built up a very high hope, and I am a bit worried about it being dashed. If if sounds too good to be true then it just might be. In this case, I am wondering if perhaps I am not what he seeks. We shall see. Starting tomorrow.

Oddly, I still get replies trickling in from that ad. I am amazed how far back in the CL archives some people go, but I am still getting a few replies. I don’t love this part; it’s a lot of writing and awkward beginnings. I like getting past the beginnings.

I am curious.

I am hopeful.

I am excited.

I am open.