ISO update

I’m still in the ‘getting to know you‘ phase of  things when it comes to new boy #1 and new boy #2. Things that I like include how into this kinky thing they both are. I like how different they are from one another. I like that one of them has some experience, and the other has none. He is my new toy to mold and shape. How lovely to be the brand new beginning for someone else.

I like the enthusiasm they both demonstrate. It’s not loud, they’re not shouting it from rooftops (that I know of, anyway) but they both admit to being happy. Excited. Hopeful.

‘Hopeful’ is something that applies to us all.

I found these two from Craigslist. I placed an ad, got a ton of replies, and these are the two that agreed to meet. It is so interesting to me that out of the nearly 100 replies I got seeking a male submissive, nearly all didn’t believe that the ad was real, or that I was real. What got ‘t’ and ‘p’ through my front door is that they took a chance that I was real.

Taking chances. It seems to be theme for me as of late. But more on that in a later posting.

I had dinner with ‘p’ last night. john was home alone, studying for a meeting, and I had ‘p’ meet me at a pub. I had brought with me a BDSM checklist, and I had him do it in front of me. All the fetishes practically known to man, all condensed on a couple pieces of paper.

It was delightful for me. I loved watching him as he filled out the answers. I could see the blushing in his face. I could see his eyes widen, and the pencil bounce in his fingers. I played with my phone in an effort to give him some privacy and not be staring at him too much. But I couldn’t help watch the adorable squirming on the other side of the table.

I don’t know how things will pan out. I really do want a service submissive to be a part of the dynamic we have. Occasionally, I want to be wined and dined. Pampered. It’s that simple. I don’t, and won’t, apologize for it. I want a variety of experiences. I want a range of opportunities. It is mostly fun and games in an adult world. But there will be times when it is more than that, and even less.

So, that’s the update in ISO.

There is more brewing in our kinky world. I have not written about it yet, but I will. There are some deeper, darker, sexier, raunchier things in the works, and I am looking forward to them. I feel in some ways like I am playing the part of artist. I have a bunch of things piled in front of me, all different mediums and textures, colors and shapes. I can assemble them in a thousand different ways. I have not figured out yet how it will look. Maybe the pieces will assemble themselves and they’ll create their own life force and beauty. Maybe I will be the maker of shapes. I don’t have any idea yet. But it feels exciting. That much I know is true.

Until tomorrow…..

Two dates in 2 days.

16470696989_a45113a33f_zAnother winner. I have had two dates in two days as a result of my Craigslist ad, and they were both terrific. I am lucky, happy, blessed, even. I have not had to deal with anything uncomfortable or unfortunate. I hate having to say to someone, “Thanks, but no thanks”. Rejection is terribly hard. I don’t like having to administer it, and I don’t like receiving it, either.

But very happily, I don’t have to talk about that in this post. I tried to be very selective in who I decided to meet. I do not want to take on more than I can chew, more than what is fair.

What did I almost love most about meeting these two submissives?? They were so very different from one another. I don’t even feel there is a competition (and I never wanted it to feel that way, to be structured that way). They are in different places developmentally (meaning, in their D/s development). One is more open, more ready, more confident, more eager and fun. That person is date number one. I loved his energy. He appears to me to be “turn key ready”. I love that and am totally turned on by it.

Date number 2 is a wee bit more tentative. More inquisitive. Has a bit of a “deer in the headlights” look about him. I will admit that this delighted me. I could see his nervousness, and he admitted a few times from across the table that he was terrified. I got a thrill from this, in a very compassionate way, of course. Isn’t it the sexiest feeling of all to be aroused and nervous at the same time???

His terror reminds me of my own, once upon a time. I will write about that another day, absolutely not now. But it resonates with me. He inspires me to want to show him a bit of what this is all about, and do it the right way.

I have thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed my two experiences. I can’t say that enough.

But this comes with some challenges too. I am writing publicly about two human beings, with two different personality types. They have feelings, hearts, desires, tender places like we all do. I know they read this blog. Talk about feeling naked!!! I feel naked knowing that I am writing and they are probably reading. But I promised from the minute I became kinky that I would always be honest. I was not honest once, one time, to one person, and I have lived with that regret since then. I will write about that too some day. Not now, but some day soon.

So, I am going to write about this experience, and I am going to be honest…no matter who might be reading.

Date number 2 has me inspired to teach. I want to be a good teacher to him. I want to get things from him, yes. Totally. I am not entirely sure that he grasps what I want for service. I worry a bit because he seems to work really hard in his vanilla world. A hard job, where he labors a lot. I struggle with some guilt in situations like that. I find it hard to say, “Hi. Welcome to my dungeon. I am very glad you are here for the day. We are going to work and play and work. You have chores to do today. I want the bathroom cleaned, the mudroom organized, the car washed. You will do those things, and I will make it fun, and we will play but you will do those things because you are my submissive, and that is what I want of you right now”.

Why do I find it hard? Well, because the nice part of me knows that this guy (date number 2) works physically hard and I am a bit uneasy saying, “Hi, welcome to your weekend. Come work some more”. BUT….BUT, BUT, BUT….I also placed this ad with very clear expectations that work is a part of what we do. I work hard, and I want a fully compliant, submissive pet to work along side of me. And, many times, harder than I do. So, if someone does not want this, then they can tell me that they are not the submissive I am looking for, and all would be fine. I would very much appreciate their honesty.

So, there is that. I do not have these feelings with date number one. I pretty much want to work him right away. He seems up for the adventure and joy of learning about one another, and I am chomping a bit to get it started. I smile when I think about it. I think john will like him. I really do. I am most hopeful that they have good energy for one another. With date number 2, I need to get him to get Me first, and then I can work on seeing what sparks might fly between he and john. Good sparks, that is.

And hey….I am not at all discounting that I might just decide to have date number two as my own private toy/minion. Maybe I’ll want that. It will unfold as it is meant to be….I feel certain of this.

AND….I am not at all discounting the fact at all that I just had two dates, where we did a “meet and greet”. They could absolutely send me an email and say, “It was nice to meet you, but I’m not into you that much. Good luck”. I 100% know that I could be rejected. It hasn’t happened yet, and I hope it doesn’t, but I realize that it might. And if it does, back to the drawing board I go. :-)

I have to be mindful of my compassionate side. It can get in my way sometimes. I am determined with this search to be a bit less of the nice person I usually am and more of the loving bitch I really want to be. I placed an ad, yes, because I want a plaything for john, but I also want to better spread some of my own dominant wings. I want to improve. Get better.  Get sexier. And I need actual people to do that. I need the opportunity to put fantasy to life. I will not get it right all the time and I both need and want good people who can help shape me and guide me. Any submissive I have is not going to be a doormat. If I want a door mat, I’ll go buy a  doormat. They will shape me as I shape them. That is what this is about to me. Or, a big part of it, anyway.

So, that’s the update. For now.

John’s post for today is very interesting. I don’t know if he published it or not, but he asked me to read it, and I did. It’s hot. It kind of messes with my head a bit, in the most delicious of ways, of course. Maybe this is one of those rare, rare times when we are both feeling dominant. Two rams, locking horns, vying for top dog, grinning at one another from ear to ear as we secure our footing and jockey for position.

I will win.

I will absolutely win. He wears a collar every single day. I do not.

I will win because I will order him to lose.

This is the coolest thing ever!!!!!

 

 

Good and painful and chocolatey

Yesterday was a good day. For the very large part, it was fantastic.
It had really great moments in it, ones that I didn’t expect to be that good, and ones that made me really happy.

And, it had in it too a few minutes that hurt. I almost cried. I didn’t, but almost.

Date number one was very successful. I am not going to say too, too much in this posting. Not yet, anyway. But suffice it to say, it was really good. I liked him immediately. He had an openness, a happiness, an ease about him and a smile that I found very comfortable to be around. We only had a short 45 minutes to meet because I was teaching a class all day, and didn’t get to take much of a break during the day, but I did scoot out during lunch and meet with him.

He is cute! “Cute” doesn’t matter if you’re an asshole, but this guy did not seem to have any of those qualities. He just seemed…..I dunno…..excited. Curious. Willing to give it a shot.

Our schedules meld perfectly. We live ridiculously close to one another. He does not appear to have any baggage, any bullshit, any reservations that lead me to believe that this does not have potential. I know it’s only the very first meeting, but it would feel a whole lot different if my first impression was shaky and guarded. It was anything but.

Of course, we did not get to talk specifics, and I really wanted to.

I honestly don’t know how he’ll feel about the sexy and  exciting details of what I’m looking for. I did outline those things pretty specifically in my ad, so he must have an idea, but talking about them is another thing all together.

I wonder how he’ll react when he learns that during lunch, I had a hard desire to know what his face looks like when being spanked. That I wanted to see him on his knees, looking up at me, as I looked down upon him, smiling at my new toy.

I wondered what he’ll think when he knows how my imagination is so very amped up right now. I thought of our cute little winter nest here in Maine, me doing some writing while the two are naked in the kitchen, cooking, preparing a cocktail, working together in nothing but flesh and collars. I imagine looking across the room at such a thing, and feeling very delighted.

It’s only the very beginning, yes. And anything could happen, I know. I absolutely need to have a deeper, more detailed conversation. I need to start slowly, thoughtfully and carefully. ‘Cause really…..you only get one chance to make a first impression.

Date one did an excellent job at this. I am delighted. It really couldn’t have gone any better, for the 45 minute date that it was.

I have plans to meet person number 2 tonight. I am curious to see how it goes. And then there is the lovely sounding stephi on friday afternoon. I think this is plenty. Meeting these fine people is just the beginning. What to do with a new toy such as this is totally different.

The painful part of my day?? I’m not even sure I want to write about it. But I will. It’s ridiculous and I’m slightly embarrassed about it, but here it goes.

Last night I was alone, john was out with co-workers, I had my pool league later in the evening. I stopped at home for an hour or so. I needed to do something for dinner. I didn’t want to deal. I didn’t want to go out by myself. So…..I did what any idiot would do…..I finished off the last two inches of the Ben and Jerry’s container, and then had a coke.

What. The. Fuck.

Who does that? Ice cream and soda for dinner?? Jeeze…..I have not done that in I don’t know how long. It was awful. As soon as I did it, I thought, “What the hell, Chloe….that’s disgusting”. But I did it. And then I took a 15 minute power nap before pool.

Ugh.

I was feeling a little tuggy at john. Sometimes I just crave him to take me. So, I texted him and mentioned my crappy choice for dinner. I specifically said, “The last bit of Ben and Jerry’s and a coke are not good dinner choices, and not healthy. I hereby order you to sternly lecture me against such choices”. john is very good at being stern when he wants to be, and I know this. And kinda of like it.

Ok, I like it a lot sometimes, to be honest.

Anyway, that request somehow turned into an over the knee spanking that he administered to me. And then a paddling. Damn, I hate paddles. But, he was fast, not terribly hard, and he caressed my ass cheeks very sweetly with each stroke. I liked it. But I didn’t like so much was taking off my”Mistress” hat, if even for 3o minutes of switchy fun. I am still figuring out how to maintain the small switchy part of our relationship, because I don’t feel submissive in any way.

Sometimes I just want him to take me. End of story.

For a finite period of time, I just want to be overcome by him.

And then it needs to be over. I want and need my power pack after that.

This morning I gazed at his beautifully sleeping form, and immediately secured his collar back around his throat. Right where it belongs. I smiled. I love that my ass still feels a tiny bit warm, and it’s a great itch that I get to get scratched. I love that I can still switch at times with him, because it makes me happy. I am glad that we can do this, and that I can ask for it when I want it. This is good.

I think I might go reward myself with a spoonful of chocolate cake.

Chocolate cake is a good breakfast choice, isn’t it??

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