Do winners win?

As we waited for our movie last week, we hopped into the abandoned arcade area of the theater. Being a weeknight, there were no gaggles of kids running from claw to shooter to racer to basketball throw. Just two adults standing at the air hockey table.

Finally acquiring the right amount of tokens for the game, Madame and I set out to play. I handily won the first game, each of us our own worst enemy scoring on ourselves. The score was something like 7-5. And the second game, before anyone scored I offered a bet.

“Well, if I win, I get… ” She looked at me. “I get… ”

“I win no matter what, you know, boy”

“Yes, I know… but if I were to win this game… I’d like.” I paused as she scored on me. Down 1 – 0. “I’d like a ruined orgasm”

She never tacitly agreed to the bet and, well, there was nothing on the line for if I lost, but that was okay too. We came to the end of the game and the timer ended with the score 4 – 3 in my favor, but she put the puck in – still – the timer was done – the score didn’t register.


The next morning, we woke, she very happy with the previous night as I had shown her quite a good time. She was, I think, pleasantly surprised with how good the movie was and how much fun we both had. She had me fuck her, used me well, I was able to get into some good fucking without worrying about cumming, though she started whispering things to me which put me so close to the edge. I had to stop a few times. Eventually, she tired of this game and demanded “Off!”

I lay on the bed as we cuddled and she stroked my cock lazily.

“So, tell me about this thing we bet on last night?”

“Ruined orgasm?”

“Yes, that.”

“Well, it’s basically just when you run the boy up to the edge, let his cum dribble out over the edge and it’s kind of like an orgasm, but without all the pleasure for the man. The good part is that, supposedly, you can just do that and he’s ready to go again without worrying about him cumming so soon. It’s supposed to take the edge completely off.”

She soon had me at that edge and let go. I had told her “NO! STOP! STOP STOP STOP” but she kept going, releasing me before I started spilling. It was a full ejaculate measure, for sure, but there was none of the pleasure of a full on orgasm. Okay, that’s not true, there was lots of pleasure, but it was a different pleasure.

My honest critique is that it did not keep me on edge like I expected. My cock wilted after I spilled. That’s not supposed to happen with this. My desire waned a little as well. Now, I’m not saying that it wasn’t a ruined orgasm, it certainly was, but perhaps we need to do one of two things. One, she needs to stop sooner – really let it dribble. Two, she needs to not be so fucking sexy while she’s doing it. It really is a turn on. :)

 

Perhaps ruined orgasms won’t work for me/us. Perhaps when you’re kept in denial so long, even a ruined orgasm wilts the libido a little. I can’t be sure, but I’m more than willing to continue practicing. Any thoughts on how we might make it better?

Milestone

The last time I had a full on, full fledged orgasm with ejaculation was on Leap Day this year. That was 183 days ago. On a leap year, that’s half a year. This morning, she teased me again, let me inside her and let me beg to cum, which she completely denied.

We are not very big on counting. We don’t count the orgasms we each have. She doesn’t insist that I know how many days I’m locked up. There are no chastity or orgasm reports here like in other FLRs. Those things are great for those who want that level of detail and that level of control. Madame doesn’t need that, so that’s why we don’t do it. She does have me put all my cumming and chastity times on a calendar we keep (Hooray google apps!) but we don’t total it all up.

We have both enjoyed this game of denial very much. It’s been a great target to work toward. It’s been a great fantasy to talk about it being permanent or even going into “let’s stop talking months and just focus on years”. But…

She likes me cumming. I like me cumming. Sometimes, when we’re switchy, she even (oh, dare I say so in a FLR blog??) enjoys blowjobs that end very happy for me and very happy for her smiling face. She has indicated that we’ll be concluding this period of denial soon. She won’t say exactly when and I don’t want her to, but she is ready for other games where she can control me.

What I do notice is that when one plays games with lengthy periods of time, there comes an acceptance of the situation. It is freeing when this happens. I don’t have to wonder if today is the day because I know that I’m simply going to be denied. A month or so ago when she said “Not until we hit half a year… ” my level of acceptance was reinforced. There was no wondering at all. I knew it wouldn’t be the day. But now that we’re at this milestone, I’m back to that wondering. Will she take her prize tonight? Or after this work week? Wait, we’re going to travel this weekend with kids around. Not this weekend. Next week? Next weekend? In private? Outside? In front of a crowd? If we headed to camp, I would have to imagine she’d make a sign about this and invite people to watch. ;) I imagine she might even make a game of it. “Let’s see how far he can shoot!”

Long term gives way to acceptance. The same can be said with chastity as well. You don’t have to wonder if you’ll be locked when you’ve been locked for a month or two straight. Sure, there might be cleaning, but there certainly won’t be any wanking. You’re simply locked. You accept it as normal – as who you are.

So, I’m not sure when this milestone ends but I’m happy we have played it out this far. I like having reached her goal for me. It feels good to hit such a spot. I’m happy with it. I’ll be happy when I cum too. Sometimes I feel regret over cumming, or guilt, but this time, I’m looking forward to it – to having the teasing end finally and get to experience cumming again.

What about that?

“So, what are your feeling on that? Do you want to? What about that?”

That’s what she asked this week while we were packing for camp. Our foray into the shared lives of 1000 kinky people and I haven’t come for over 100 days and this is what she asks me.

And I am not entirely sure I can do justice to my reply. It was a weak reply, I think, because I haven’t really have so much I could say, but time wasn’t on our side when she asked. And so, I decided I’d write about it. What is it? This question:

“Do you want to cum?”

Yes, Ma’am, I do. I don’t want to be in that fantasy world of “You’ll never come again! Mwahahahahahaahaha!” fantasy femdom. Nope. No thanks.

“Do you want to cum at camp?”

Well, okay, that’s different. Want? Erm, maybe.

“Maybe?”

So, here’s the thing. You’ve kept me from cumming for over three months. We’re certainly beyond casual denial. And here’s the biggest thing about that. I really do think that you really do enjoy denying me. When I practically shout out “STOP!” as you’re teasing me, you smile. You smirk. And then 20 seconds later you’re stroking your cock again and making me scream “STOP!” again. And you know that I don’t fake it. When I scream stop I mean it and you do. And that’s fortunate. Because…

I am perfectly fine with you owning my cumming. I leak, because, well, biology and we’re not going to stop having sex altogether. That’s not going to happen. And yet, you like teasing and tormenting me and I’m happy you like that. It fits us both well. I like the occasional tantric style orgasms I get. Thanks for those. They’re really amazing. Thanks for letting me. I don’t think you want to deny me pleasure – you just want to take away this whole “cumming” part of it.

I’m at the point in my mind where I can say “three months? Okay, well, you own it, it’s yours…” and really, it is. I’ve accepted that it’s yours and I want it to be yours. Please keep hold of it. Use it when you want to. Or don’t. It’s yours. But I just can’t be ignored – so there’s THAT on you. Denial by ignoring me won’t fly.

And then, also, there’s the idea of my weighing less than 200# by camp. I called it “starts with 1” and it was a goal, but I can’t imagine I’ll get there. After all, we leave Saturday and the Wednesday weigh in was still a few pounds shy of the goal. I ‘m not sure that I can make another 3.5 pounds before camp starts. Anyone that reads this might even suggest that were I to make that, it would be an unhealthy weight loss. I’d agree there’s a hazard there.

If we played the weight goal story line, you’d have a great reason to deny me at camp. “Oh, he’s a good boy, but he failed his goal, so we’re just going to tease him all week. He’ll go home with a tan, a locked cock and still his balls full of cum… but he missed the goal… ” I can play that one.

And then there’s the idea of the “Well, almost…” and I’m not sure Chloe knows of this part of chastity and denial fantasy land of mine. But the idea of a ruined orgasm isn’t something I’m sure she’s aware of. And I could easily see her finding out in detail, talking to people at camp and getting me well worked up and giving me an epic ruined orgasm. “Well, I hear that’s a ruined orgasm, did I do it right? ” she might smile. And I know she would. And I’d still be frustrated as all hell.

And then there’s the idea of actually joining with her, perhaps with the toy in our family doing something with us. But I’d be in her, we’d be fucking, and she’d let me cum. Finally, after over 100 days, she would finally say “yes” and I’d cum. And it’d be a long loud cum with lots of mess. And she’d make me (or me and her toy?) clean up after myself. But I want myself to spill without having to clean it up after – in whatever way she might make it happen.

But….

The bottom line on all of this is that yes, she owns my orgasms and ejaculations and I’m 100% okay with how she wants them to work out. And I would not think I would have a bad camp if I didn’t cum. Cumming is so very beyond where I’ve gone and where I am. It’s a beautiful and very fun part of our sex life, but it’s certainly not the end all be all of male sexuality. No, I’m very far past that belief by now.

I see both Chloe and I growing in our roles in this lifestyle. She coming more comfortable with her dominant self and I in my submissive self. And we’ve worked out good roles between us. And it seems to be working. I know that being the dominant in a relationship is not without it’s efforts. I don’t like to pressure her for certain things. And I know she respects my opinion, but I think we’ve both gotten into a level of our FLR that my opinion on ejaculating no longer matters. If I’m to be owned, this is one part of my life, like so many, where she should feel free to own it, dictate it, and decide whether it happens or not.

Madame, I thank you for asking me what I think about this. But you’ve kept me denied for this long and it is absolutely your call on whether or not I ejaculate. What I want out of our camp experience is fun and joy and beautiful naked time and fucking. And some play with our toybags too. But I want pleasure for all of us involved. And however you take that pleasure, well, I’ll be there to help in any way I can.

Use caution

Use caution, explosion risk

Use caution

In an interesting experiment, I thought I’d report here on the (non-scientific) results.

Just because you can make a man orgasm without ejaculating, does not necessarily mean he won’t return to fucking after that orgasm and not be ready to instantly blow his load.

This is the lesson learned this morning. See, she was very wet and horny this morning and, well, I’m a dog and am almost always horny. So she used me. She teased me. She finally got me to the point where I could give her some fucking, but then she started whispering to me. Damn it, woman, don’t you remember what happens when you do that?

Eventually, she tired of my not being able to really fuck her hard (else I’d explode!) and I lay back on the bed. And then I felt it. Oh there was that squeeze, that contraction in my body. And I knew what it was. And I accepted it, I wanted it and I breathed at her “squeeze me, please” and she squeezed my cock. “My balls, hard, please” I managed to utter. Her other hand grabbed my balls and she squeezed the hell out of them. I writhed under her, not from the pain, but from the orgasm that was jolting my body. It’s weird when it happens, but I was able to make it happen, pull that orgasm right out of my body and let it flow. It wasn’t the best orgasm ever, but it certainly WAS an orgasm.

So, well, being the dog I am, I suggested “Maybe after that, I can fuck you harder now.” And she invited me to try. And I failed. Oh boy, did I fail. I didn’t cum, but I still couldn’t fuck her. Five or six strokes into her beautifully wet pussy and I was back again at the edge of ejaculation and she was smiling up at me with one of those “Damn it, boy” grins on her face.

I don’t like that I can’t fuck her the way she wants and deserves, but I also know now that she really does enjoy watching me struggle against cumming inside her. Her cruel side takes great pleasure in watching my struggles. And I know that, if she really did want to be fucked, she’d summon that other side of me that really can fuck her until she begs to stop. But in the meantime, we’ll continue on, for science, in learning what limits can be pushed, what should be pushed and what shouldn’t. And I’m a willing lab rat in the series of experiments. Because, well, for science, after all!

 

Let loose the dogs of love

Perhaps it was the joyful wonder brought about by the coming blood moon and the total eclipse, but far be it from me to judge harshly the decision of one’s Mistress to not only excuse one spill during naptime sex, but further encourage another during “post non-apocalyptic, orange moon, eclipse still receding while Pink Floyd played on” spillage.

monumental super moon

Super Moon Eclipse and our greatest phallic symbol in the country

Or maybe, just maybe, Mistress had an inside line on the news to be announced this morning that mars has flowing water! Salty flowing water. Well, perhaps letting the fluids flow was in her mind.

Either way, as she also took her own pleasure, I’m a happy dog and pleased that we were able to share in such ways. I’m sure the rules will be clamped down on soon, but sometimes where there is one spill, there are often others, as this dog gains a hair trigger after not much denial by her loveliness.

Squeeze

As I’ve written before, I’ve practiced how to achieve orgasm without ejaculation and have had some success, but not enough practice has been done. Still, twice in the past week, I’ve been able to experience at least one really good orgasm and one tentative and gentle orgasm just through Madame’s squeezing of my cock and balls, mostly the balls. Other stimuli was there as well, but it was a great thing to experience. I’ve also been able to provide her with two wonderful orgasms over the past week while inside her and managed not to cum inside her… so there’s some major happy happening on both sides of the bed.

Plateau, plateau everywhere!

For some time, I have been pursuing the oft elusive but highly desirable multi-orgasmic, non-ejaculating orgasm. I’ve had times in the past where I rode the crest of an orgasm lasting minutes. There has also been a time when, while performing oral sex, I’ve had an orgasm without ejaculating. Let’s just define this now that ‘orgasm’ means an orgasm without my ejaculating. ‘Ejaculating’ will mean a nice big spurty mess of goo.

Nothing but plateau as far as the eyes can see.

Nothing but plateau as far as the eyes can see.

Unfortunately, I haven’t studied and practiced enough to be able to do it all the time. Fortunately, I haven’t studied and practiced enough to be able to do it all the time. Let me explain.  Continue reading