ISO continued….

16873254585_2cca04616e_zRegarding an earlier post (ISO), I was asked in a comment if it turns me on to see my sub engaged with another man sexually. My immediate thought was, “Well, yes, of course it does”, but on the heels of that, I had another thought, equally loud, that stated, “But it’s not just that….”

The short answer is that yes, the idea of him sexually engaged with with another man does many good things for me, on several different levels. Over the years, when I have had him flat on his back and I’ve been riding him, I will lean over him and whisper tales about him being fucked and used by another man, and I see what it does to him. I feel his hard become harder. I see rapid breathing become panting. My stories are often short but detailed, sort of like movie trailers that highlight the ‘Best of’. It can get him hooked, and he wants to know more.

We don’t actually get too many opportunities to make the fantasy a reality, but we do get some. My boy knows that my stories are just that…..stories, but he also knows that I have enabled some of those stories to become true. He will never really know what might become a reality, and I like keeping him in that suspense.

I want a bit more of the reality. When I placed my personals’  ad over a week ago, it was with the hope of finding just the right fit for us. I will sound like a bitch when I say this (and I don’t really care), but I want exactly what I want, or I want nothing at all.

Yes, I hold all the power, and I can make all the decisions when it comes to bringing another male submissive into our fold. I have received a good number of replies. I am appreciative of that. I respond to all, I am polite to all, but I know instinctively that I will be weeding out many. The things that ‘get’ me in these replies are perhaps not the things that are hot and sexy to others. I don’t actually care that someone can lick a pussy for 27 hours straight without stopping and that they have a nice dick and know how to use it. To me, that is about them, and not about what it is I seek.

I get more interested when someone can actually write and express themselves as a whole. If they are interesting, I become interested. Good grammar is a turn on for me. Yup….I admit it. I met my boy of 10 years because I put up a craigslist ad for 12 hours and he was the one who wrote with intelligence and thought. He got me at hello.

So, 10 years later, I am still attracted to the same things. An ability to connect. A desire to serve. An openness to explore. An intelligence that is shared. And a certain amount of inhibition.

I know it turns my boy on to be taken by another man. I want to see my boy on his hands and knees, in the living room, as another man sits on the leather couch, legs spread, head thrown back in pleasure, as my boy practices giving head. I envision myself in the kitchen (its an open concept, I can see all), pouring a glass of wine, watching but not staring. I want my boy to hear me tinkering about, knowing the entire time I am observing, judging, surveying, rating his performance.

I want to see this additional man grab him by his hair and pull him deeper. I want to hear my boy gag and see the man let up slightly until my boy collects his composure, and it starts again.

I want my boy to excel at the art of giving head in part because I know he wants it. My boy is pan sexual. I like honoring that.

But it’s not that easy. Putting an ad out to the universe, seeking an intimate counterpart to our established dynamic is challenging. It is daunting, actually. I can be a bitch, yes (and oh, how I like to be!) but I am also aware that hurting someones feelings is not a game I ever want to play.

I have exactly what I want all mapped out in my head. It is now about being flexible enough to go down a road or two and see what pans out. I have to remember that we are all human. We all are vulnerable to the same human fear of rejection. I will not reject someone because their cock is too small, or because they aren’t tall enough or make enough money. But I will reject someone who can’t and won’t recognize us as safe, sane and interesting. As the Grateful Dead sings, “I will not forgive you if you will not take the chance”.

So, yes. The ad is bringing good things. A few have completely piqued my interest. I know that I am liking how they present, what they have to say. I have not completely mapped out what it is that I want of them. I know that I want them to be pan sexual as well. I know that I will reserve the right to use them while my boy watches. I know I want service from them…..some measure of cooking, cleaning, doing. I will want to know all about their pleasure buttons too, and they things they dislike. I may want them to join us on one of the kinky, week long vacations we usually take twice a year…..6 days of kinky fun with 1000 other kinky adults, play spaces open 24 hours a day, clothing optional. Fantasy Island for adults. I will want them to be naked in such a place. I will want to send them over to the cabin next door and offer their services in massage and cleaning for a few good women who adore such things.

I want an additional toy that I can thoroughly and easily enjoy. I have one, but there is room for another. My boy john will always be my number one, and that’s just the way it goes. But there is room for more joy, more fun, more creativity. Will the submissive male who agrees to meet want this too?? I am not sure.

But I also know that I won’t forgive myself if I do not take the chance.

 

 

Moving from the fantasy to the reality

A lot of submissive men are filled to the brim with the fantasy of a dominant woman directing this or that. We get into our heads certain fantasies that fill our spankbank and we pursue them. “Forced” bisexual behavior is one such fantasy. CFNM “all the time” is another.

Reality interferes with many of these fantasies. It’s impractical to be naked all the time, particularly when both the woman and the man in a FLR work and they both have kids. CFNM can’t happen outside of small windows of time. And yet, the submissive man will keep this in their mind as a fantasy and strive toward it.

And then… sometimes… something happens. The submissive man might get the opportunity to serve, get some fantasies fulfilled, experience some beautiful things… and the fantasy will take a back seat. What’s replaced the fantasy is the reality of service. Perhaps it’s a permanent collar. Perhaps is a virtual permanent collar. Or perhaps it’s just living with the service of the Mistress that’s influenced him enough to realize that he’s beyond the fantasy. He moves past fantasy as the object and realizes that service is the object – and he’s already found that destination.

In 2015, I have moved from a world where the fantasy has dictated my submission and service goals. Now, the service I am providing is a reality and the focus of my submission to my woman. And yes, we have that fantasy hanging around. I’m happy to bring those fantasy ideas into the light and give them their due, but what I’m doing today, what I’m doing this week, what I am doing for Her is what makes it all work.

Don’t get me wrong – we’ll keep playing in the games of fantasy, but I am satisfied with so much more of my service to her that the fantasy can be held mostly as reward or punishment or an adjunct to what our relationship is.

I’ve thought deeply about this over the past couple months and have held off writing until it made itself obvious and I was able to accept this. It doesn’t change “everything” – but it does change where my brain is.