Another winner. I have had two dates in two days as a result of my Craigslist ad, and they were both terrific. I am lucky, happy, blessed, even. I have not had to deal with anything uncomfortable or unfortunate. I hate having to say to someone, “Thanks, but no thanks”. Rejection is terribly hard. I don’t like having to administer it, and I don’t like receiving it, either.
But very happily, I don’t have to talk about that in this post. I tried to be very selective in who I decided to meet. I do not want to take on more than I can chew, more than what is fair.
What did I almost love most about meeting these two submissives?? They were so very different from one another. I don’t even feel there is a competition (and I never wanted it to feel that way, to be structured that way). They are in different places developmentally (meaning, in their D/s development). One is more open, more ready, more confident, more eager and fun. That person is date number one. I loved his energy. He appears to me to be “turn key ready”. I love that and am totally turned on by it.
Date number 2 is a wee bit more tentative. More inquisitive. Has a bit of a “deer in the headlights” look about him. I will admit that this delighted me. I could see his nervousness, and he admitted a few times from across the table that he was terrified. I got a thrill from this, in a very compassionate way, of course. Isn’t it the sexiest feeling of all to be aroused and nervous at the same time???
His terror reminds me of my own, once upon a time. I will write about that another day, absolutely not now. But it resonates with me. He inspires me to want to show him a bit of what this is all about, and do it the right way.
I have thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed my two experiences. I can’t say that enough.
But this comes with some challenges too. I am writing publicly about two human beings, with two different personality types. They have feelings, hearts, desires, tender places like we all do. I know they read this blog. Talk about feeling naked!!! I feel naked knowing that I am writing and they are probably reading. But I promised from the minute I became kinky that I would always be honest. I was not honest once, one time, to one person, and I have lived with that regret since then. I will write about that too some day. Not now, but some day soon.
So, I am going to write about this experience, and I am going to be honest…no matter who might be reading.
Date number 2 has me inspired to teach. I want to be a good teacher to him. I want to get things from him, yes. Totally. I am not entirely sure that he grasps what I want for service. I worry a bit because he seems to work really hard in his vanilla world. A hard job, where he labors a lot. I struggle with some guilt in situations like that. I find it hard to say, “Hi. Welcome to my dungeon. I am very glad you are here for the day. We are going to work and play and work. You have chores to do today. I want the bathroom cleaned, the mudroom organized, the car washed. You will do those things, and I will make it fun, and we will play but you will do those things because you are my submissive, and that is what I want of you right now”.
Why do I find it hard? Well, because the nice part of me knows that this guy (date number 2) works physically hard and I am a bit uneasy saying, “Hi, welcome to your weekend. Come work some more”. BUT….BUT, BUT, BUT….I also placed this ad with very clear expectations that work is a part of what we do. I work hard, and I want a fully compliant, submissive pet to work along side of me. And, many times, harder than I do. So, if someone does not want this, then they can tell me that they are not the submissive I am looking for, and all would be fine. I would very much appreciate their honesty.
So, there is that. I do not have these feelings with date number one. I pretty much want to work him right away. He seems up for the adventure and joy of learning about one another, and I am chomping a bit to get it started. I smile when I think about it. I think john will like him. I really do. I am most hopeful that they have good energy for one another. With date number 2, I need to get him to get Me first, and then I can work on seeing what sparks might fly between he and john. Good sparks, that is.
And hey….I am not at all discounting that I might just decide to have date number two as my own private toy/minion. Maybe I’ll want that. It will unfold as it is meant to be….I feel certain of this.
AND….I am not at all discounting the fact at all that I just had two dates, where we did a “meet and greet”. They could absolutely send me an email and say, “It was nice to meet you, but I’m not into you that much. Good luck”. I 100% know that I could be rejected. It hasn’t happened yet, and I hope it doesn’t, but I realize that it might. And if it does, back to the drawing board I go. :-)
I have to be mindful of my compassionate side. It can get in my way sometimes. I am determined with this search to be a bit less of the nice person I usually am and more of the loving bitch I really want to be. I placed an ad, yes, because I want a plaything for john, but I also want to better spread some of my own dominant wings. I want to improve. Get better. Get sexier. And I need actual people to do that. I need the opportunity to put fantasy to life. I will not get it right all the time and I both need and want good people who can help shape me and guide me. Any submissive I have is not going to be a doormat. If I want a door mat, I’ll go buy a doormat. They will shape me as I shape them. That is what this is about to me. Or, a big part of it, anyway.
So, that’s the update. For now.
John’s post for today is very interesting. I don’t know if he published it or not, but he asked me to read it, and I did. It’s hot. It kind of messes with my head a bit, in the most delicious of ways, of course. Maybe this is one of those rare, rare times when we are both feeling dominant. Two rams, locking horns, vying for top dog, grinning at one another from ear to ear as we secure our footing and jockey for position.
I will win.
I will absolutely win. He wears a collar every single day. I do not.
I will win because I will order him to lose.
This is the coolest thing ever!!!!!