Left a hole

It seems that, in my absence from my house and my world, I’ve left a hole. Madame wrote an email this morning that told me how I am missed, how there is a hole where I should be. My subtle ways of serving my vanilla friends, the things I do, they are missed by our large family of friends that is around us.

As we are polite kinky friends, I don’t go around serving my roommates on my hands and knees while collared. But I do wear my shackle 24/7, which is my common collar. I am always the first to rise from the table and start clearing and I usually wrangle most of the dishes, even if I cook I’ll try to clean up until my roommates push me (literally) out of the kitchen. I’m the head bartender in the house, despite one roommate having opened a restaurant/bar and another being a lead bartender with a catering company. And I try to do my part in service to the house to straighten, clean, organize and keep my things to as low a footprint as I can.

I do the things that Madame asks me to, in vanilla ways, in and out of the house. I also am in service to my community with my volunteering. One of those former colleagues of my early service life recently posted a picture of a fortune he received in his cookie to Facebook. It read “If a true sense of value is to be yours, it must come through service”. I didn’t reply to that directly, but I did think of it as very befitting. The only more befitting fortune I have ever received was “You will attend a party where strange customs prevail” shortly before my first kinky party. But the service fortune really lays it out for me. Service is where I am comfortable. I enjoy service. I enjoy serving my friends, family, community and Mistress in so many different ways. I do hope that my community service will pick up a bit this year – that I’ll see some of the fruit of my labors. And even my professional life is found in non-profit companies. When I’ve not been working in non-profit, I worked in higher education and in “Internet Service Providers” back when the internet was newer. Service was our middle name! There have been some brief stints in corporate world, where I tracked my time down to the minute, but that did not suit me. It may have suited my employers, but not me. And I left that world not even looking over my shoulder.

Even in kink, I serve. Sure, I get a comp when I work at setting up and tearing down our camp event, so I’m not entirely volunteering, but I do love the service I do there, especially since I get to do that service sparsely clothed or even in some cases naked!

Service is within me. It’s part of who I am and what makes me whole. It’s good for me to realize that, even if I’m in my mid-forties by now and it’s taken that long for me to realize such a thing. (Okay, I knew it a while ago, but ignored it in pursuit of money)

And knowing that my service and my presence is missed is flattering. It really is. I’m happy in some ways for it, to feel missed. I’m happy Madame wrote me about it, more than just so I can write another post here, but so that I can know that I’m valuable to more than just my Mistress. It’s heartening to know that there are others who desire my presence, because sometimes it really doesn’t feel that way.

Madame, I’ll be home soon. You’ll see me soon. Promise! I miss you and our entire family.

Finding those moments

I am alone these days. More alone than I have been in a while. “Life interuptis” has created this somewhat solitary path, and I walk down it not feeling necessary alone, but very much feeling the absence of my boys. All of us are busy, and all of us are spread out in different and various directions. We accept this. We understand it. We nod to one another, knowing that we will come together again. But in the meantime, each of us are doing what we need to be doing. And part of what we need to be doing is finding those little moments that connect us all.

I left last Wednesday for a trip south to meet up with college friends. I could not have asked for a better set of sun-filled days with outstanding vanilla friends. We stayed at a humble, cozy beach house in Fenwick Island, gathered under clear skies as we lounged in front of big, warm ocean waves.

John, in the meantime, was gone upon my return. He is off on a two week camping/exploring adventure with his boys. I won’t see him for at least 11 more days. That feels like a really big number right now.

And Troy… Troy is busy with work and life. This is the peak of his busy season at work, so I have not wanted to demand too much of him right now, knowing that his plate is as full as it could be.

All of this leaves me without the boys. I am still very involved with family matters, and those matters are pretty much taking up all of my time. I am okay with that. More than okay, really. I am doing the right thing by standing by my family, doing what needs to be done. But what pokes at me is the balance of it all. I feel this urge not to lose my kinky parts in all of this vanilla. It can be so easy to do… to literally watch from my office chair all of the kinky thoughts and ideas slowly drift away because I don’t have the time or inclination to to flirt with them. I have felt this consistent prodding from deep within me to keep the balance. To be all things to all people, but in a good way. It would be easy to fall completely into kink, and it would be natural to focus exclusively on family. I am doing neither.  I am challenged in an inspiring way to do a good job with both.

I loved my time at the beach. My girlfriend Sasha has an amazing husband named Rory. He is a strong willed man with a deeply satisfying submissive streak that runs through him. He would call it being a good host, but I see it a bit differently. I loved the way he brought us tall, sweating glasses of gin and tonics at 6pm as we sat lingering on the near empty beach, not wanting to end the day. I stood back and smiled as he scurried to set up our chairs and umbrellas at the start of each day. At the house, he would postpone his own shower until all of the women had taken theirs. Our glasses were never empty, our bodies sat in the most comfortable chairs, he fretted over the ambience, he played the best music. In his presence, the candles never died out and air was always slightly perfumed. Add to this the fact that this man is no pushover… he is the quiet one in quiet charge of a lot of things, and yet when this gaggle of women and friends gets together, our every comfort is his singular focus.

I usually visit Sasha and Rory with John. For years, we have made our pilgrimage to the south a joint venture. But this year, scheduling did not allow it and I had to go without my boy. I felt the empty place where John should have been… where he wanted to be. I missed John being with me. John and Rory are an amazing team of men catering to women.  I tried to honor his empty place at the table by being who and how I am… Me. Dominant, mischievous, playful, assured. I am other things too, and not all of those other things are the best of Me, but I did make a conscious effort to receive the service that was bestowed upon me, knowing that John would be most happy this way. It felt a little odd to be viewing the vanilla Rory in this private light, but not too much so. I rather enjoyed it once I found my comfort zone. Rory played cabana boy when John and Troy could not. And I rather enjoyed letting him.

Oh Cabana Boy

Oh Cabana Boy

I sat for many quiet hours on that stunning beach, people watching and wave watching. I looked up and down the beach and let a thousand kinky thoughts run through my mind. I created micro fantasies in nearly everyone I watched. Simple moments became kinky scenes. No one was safe from my growling imagination, and in all of this, I kept my boys close to my side.

John sends me beautiful pornography many times a day…..dozens of images of sexy torture. I don’t often have the time to properly reply, and I certainly don’t have the drive or even internet knowledge to return the gesture. But what I do do is to take those images and run with them… down the long stretch of beautiful beach, being careful not to spill the icy drink that I hold in my hand.

I love these boys. Even in absence, I adore them. My bed is empty without John in it next to me. My week feels void if I don’t get to spend time with Troy, who nurtures and serves Me in the most loving of ways. When I cannot have them beneath me, I try harder to keep them with me. Some days are better than others, but I do find those moments. I hope they know that.

Some tiny sense of normalcy

She posted about the difficulties that were coming around in our world, so you’re all aware of that. I’d been away this week house sitting (and dogs and kids) and it was a fortunate turn of events that I was away some of this week, though it was hard to be without her for those nights. I thought I’d be back tonight, but imagine my surprise when the homeowner came back Wednesday night instead of Thursday! Well, I was already well into my cups Wednesday and had plans to work from “home” Thursday, so I stayed through Thursday, made a beautiful brunch of steak and eggs, did my work and left Thursday evening to show up at home and surprise Chloe before she and “The gang” headed over to Troy’s place to enjoy a picnic of Troy’s nosh plate and a ton of food from the nearby mexican place.

I served where I could, helped here and there and we made it a lovely night until the mosquitoes came out, which drove us inside and then shortly thereafter, homeward. Home again and with the evening falling to darkness, we retired to our room where I serviced her, as we had both missed that.

“Get that tongue in there boy… ” “Good boy, you’ve been missed while you’ve been gone.” “Yes, hump that bed, boy… ”

And I serviced and I humped the bed and her hand and I rubbed her back. She told me to calm a bit, then to get my face into her ass while she lay down her body in a comfortable way. We fell into a nap sleep state there, but soon were roused and coupled, and fucked and then went back to the same position again where we fell into a deeper slumber. Until the morning.

But things have some normalcy about them, which is good amid the turmoil. I am back in my place, she in hers, and we just have some extra company a little more often than one might prefer. But it’s temporary and okay. And she and I are good. And we’ll have to watch for tension, but we’ll get through it.

Getting Ready

SONY DSC

Camp. Kinky camp. It’s the annual trip we have been making for 8 or 9 years now, sometimes several times a year. It’s a place where over 1000 like-minded bring their toy bags and assemble their devious minds and play can go all day and all night if you want it to.

It’s the place where clothing is optional, and yet last night as I was packing, I was wondering why I am bringing more clothes than I’ll want or need. It’s the same question I ask myself every year.

So, round one of packing complete. Tonight, as my boy works on his own packing list, I’ll go through and weed out what I don’t truly need and what I don’t truly love.

This year, I am bringing both boys with me. Both will be in service, both will be my divine playthings, and all of us will sleep in one, big mattress pile.

I am so looking forward to exposing toy troy to all of this wonderment. It will be all brand new for him. Naked people walking happily. Sunbathers soaking it all in. Rope. Fire. Chastity. Costumes. Crosses and cages. I know not to do too much, too soon. Exposure and dabbling with be enough. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling giddy about it. I’m feeling really giddy about it!

John is working hard. Getting ready for camp is no easy feat. He does the bulk of the organizing and packing. He is the muscle and brain behind it all. The puppet on the end of my string. And with 106 days of chastity under his belt (pun totally intended), there is a cooped up energy that can’t be missed.

Our world is just like anyone elses. Busy, scheduled, frazzled at times. Juggling work, kids, home, money, chores, friends, activities. But then we get something like this…..this camp trip….and we realize how lucky we are. We get to do the things that most only wonder about, and I am forever grateful for that.

 

I have not decided about his release from his denial yet. I am not sure if I will allow him to have a cum. The start of camp will bring us to 114 days. And there are lots of benefits to that, but some challenges too. I like my fuckings. But I also love the energy that comes from him not cumming, even if it means less fucking. I’ll have to see. I simply have not decided yet.

It’s been a while since I have posted. Too long. I love that john has been picking up the slack, I appreciate him for that….very much so. I think sometimes that I don’t have anything incredible to blog about, but then I realize how lucky we are to get to do the things we do.  That’s pretty incredible.

Just the fact that I found both of these lovely men on Craigslist is amazing. What are the odds?? We have daily moments of extraordinary exchanges between us. Power exchanges. Female driven, and female lead. Some days are better than others. Some days are insanely perfect.  My confidence can vary, my energy can ebb and flow. But daily, no matter what, this is the way I want it…..the dynamic that feels exactly right to me. After all, we live in Maine… the land of “The Way Life Should Be”. Our life just happens to include collars and cages.

 

Busy world

The world has been quite busy for me. Work has taken my to one of our other offices a couple hours away several times. Each time, Madame locks up her cock to keep it safe and secure and I wake in the night in the cheap hotel room with her cock swollen in the Steelheart chastity device. At least I know she cares about her cock. ;)

a lovely hand in a lovely pair of panties

a lovely hand in a lovely pair of panties

I’m also about to leave for a conference for work, so am headed to Las Vegas for a few days. Given the recent work schedule, my ideas of adventure while in Las Vegas may have changed from “DO ALL THE SW THINGS!” to grabbing a bottle and sitting by the hotel pool with three books. We’ll have to see which option wins. Maybe more than one?

But there is service in my life while I’m doing my service at work. Madame woke up to a lovely gentle backrub, a little bit of comfy comfy sex and some other oral service. Then she fell back asleep while I got up to make coffee and do the blog thing. With work keeping me so very busy, there won’t be much time for lazy morning oral service in the coming two weeks, so we’d better get that in now!

Also, naked time at home has pretty much stopped. One roommate returned from her winter in the tropical islands and is back. The other roommate destined to return soon as well, by the end of the month we’re told. So, we’re back to a full house. Add in a few couch surfers here and there and there’s a whole lot less of this dog sitting naked on the couch!

I’m hoping for a daily post while I’m at the conference. What would people like to hear about?

Soft, what gasp through yonder window breaks…

It is the Mistress… waking early. Rising slowly. Realizing she cannot return to slumber. And her hand is upon her mons, rubbing, then upon her clit, focused. Slave, roused, is exhorted to lick a nipple. Then to tug on one. Then both.

She picks up her pace. Quickened, she breaths deeply. Her legs rise, the slave assumes the most comfortable sex position in the world. She moans. He gently and slowly fills her, she rubs. A big, slow, gradual orgasm awaits Mistress as she walks down this sleepy path. She finally comes out from the wood into a field of sunshine, she smiles, gasps, runs wonderfully through the field and enjoys the orgasm that brings her here.

The slave, having been used is pushed aside as she rises for the day. He sleeps, scattered on the bed like one of the pillows or sheets, perhaps like a woman might toss aside a favorite vibrator. He lays there as she putters in the morning.


 

I feel so soft and squishy and so beautifully used. I’ve not felt more slave-like in some time and while it makes me quiet, I hope it stays with me for some time, in the background, washing over me. I have been well used as her toy, her slave and not word one or concern one was made of me having orgasm. It was all her, all the time, and she stopped when she was done. If I could talk about perfect sex, it would (some of the time) be like this.

Awake now, I have to drive hours from her, then back again, but it was a beautiful ride, nonetheless. I am so filled with love and service and joy in my heart right now. I feel like I’m glowing from the joy that’s within me.

Quick one

Just a couple minutes while the house is ready, kids are relaxed in their own spaces in front of their screens, dinner is on the stove (Corned Beef New England Boiled Dinner), the nosh plate is made and we get ready for guest arrivals, including two visiting dogs. A little moment of peace and relaxation while we wait for the busy times… then the house will be very empty again. And naked time can resume.

Madame was away last night and, since our little time apart, we hadn’t been using chastity since January. As she was getting ready to leave yesterday I inquired if she didn’t want to maybe go into higher security. She smiled and replied “Are you missing that?” I blushed some and looked down at my feet. “Tell me… ” she said as she raised my chin up, to look her in the eyes.

“Yes.. you know that.”

“But I like to hear you say it.”

“And I like to hear YOU say it too.”

“Go inside then, boy… ”

“But I don’t think that’s possible right now.”

We checked into it and discovered that yes, in fact, putting the CB on was not possible. Seems like the prospect of being locked was too much excitement to allow for being locked.

She smiled. She said she had to leave. She gave me 15 minutes to be locked up and send her a picture.

I complied, once she was out of arousal range and sent her the picture. Then, to relieve any possible overwhelming desires to unlock myself, I started the process of freezing the key into an ice cube, which was done by this morning. I kind of think that she’ll end up leaving me locked up while I’m away for work until Wednesday night, which will be a shame for tonight’s possible fun, but understandable, as she enjoys having her property locked up.

I have to say, I’m happy with it, I do enjoy it. And I enjoy this kind of play in our world. She’s very trusting and I’m completely honest when she asks me if I’m behaving. I have no reason for lying – it kind of defeats the purpose of this play for us. But then, I really do like her sending me away while I’m locked up.

Okay, it’s almost time for guests to start arriving.

Amend that, the guests arrived before the proof read, while I was looking for an image to add. Which I haven’t added. ;) It was a lovely Sunday supper and everyone had a good time!

My slutty dungeon boy

14504360241_3dfd333c85_o

Please, ask john about the dungeon…..

So, my boy has been back for well over a week, and he has yet to blog about his trip away.

He went away for a week. Had all sorts of sexy adventures. Did you all know that??

He went south, DC area.

To a kinky event that holds thousands of kinky people.

He was in service to another Mistress there. A Lady, actually. A very fine Lady, if I don’t say so Myself.

He helped build a dungeon. A really really cool dungeon.

And sex spaces! Lots of sexy sex spaces. He helped build those too.

He got to be a bottom that took orders, dropped to his knees, and did what he was told.

He got to wrestle naked with a naked woman. The only reason they were naked was because they started fully clothed. The object of the wrestling was to wrestle one another naked. He did that. Did you know he did that?? Probably not, because he has not written about it. Bad dog. You should ask him who won. Go ahead, ask my dog john.

He got to cane a pussy. He got to cane a man made of military steel. He got caned himself. He had all sorts of adventures, but hasn’t shared by writing about it. Bad boy.

How should he be punished for this neglect?? What’s the point of an alternative kinky blog called Exquisite Dungeon if he isn’t going to blog about being in one of the biggest and best dungeons we have on the east coast? Doesn’t that sound like a very Exquisite thing to blog about??

Comments welcome. Verrrrry welcome. And if there are some good ones, I’ll blog about the results of those suggestions.

:-)

IMG_0203

Nutshells in review…

2275207430_b04040e0dd_z

So, I have not really posted since the holidays. Typically, January is my month of hibernation. I have to steel myself against the coldest, harshest month in order to get through it. I have done that pretty successfully, I am happy to say. I have spent the month with family, cleaning up body and mind from holiday over indulgence,  feeling confident and overall, things are good.

Here’s the nutshell:

My boy john continues to be a loving, patient, devoted presence in my life. My boy has not had his leash tugged at very often, he has not had his ass violated, he has not been beaten or sexually used like I know he likes, and yet, he stays close to my side, always steadfast, nearly always agreeable. I cannot appreciate him enough for this. I know he is happy to see my kinky awakening now that adult child has headed back south.

My toy “t” continues to be a lovely presence in our world. He is the toy I found on Craigslist. He is a gem, and I am delighted to have him. He is devoted, eager, happy, curious, kind, and a damn good cook. I am thoroughly enjoying how he tends to Me. My john has been instrumental in helping train and mold ‘t’ to the things I like and how I like them. It is going quiet well. ‘t’ is thrilled to be a part of things even though things have not been all that exciting in January.

I am dealing with guilt around ‘p’, the other craigslist contender. I am the one who dropped the ball on this one. I think I lost some mojo around the whole thing because I know he is straight out with work and I don’t like the idea of taking him from that when I know how important it is to him. I am not a perfect dominant. I wrestle with feelings and guilts like any other person. I pretty much let ‘p’ slip away and I am not feeling great about that. It still feels unresolved to me. I am still thinking about it, thinking about him.

There has been a sexy and interesting development;

Someone has emerged in January who I have been writing with for months and months. Oh, I do like him!!! I do believe that I will be writing about adventures with him a fair amount. He is dominant, and he is an excellent candidate for many of the deviant things I am interested in seeing happen to my boy(s). I am going to leave it at that. We have gotten through the “meet and greets” and the negotiations. I think there is a lot of potential in this. I am excited. If you enjoy reading about m2m adventures, you should check in often. I smile.

I received an email recently from someone who I really enjoyed playing with but who disappeared a while back. He is a dominant and I met him about 8 years ago as an occasional play partner for myself during the times I am interested in bottoming. I liked him a lot, but he fell off the radar and I moved on. He has returned and I find this very interesting and rather exciting. I am not the same person I was then, and he seems very at peace with that, and with himself. We will see where it goes, but it brings me joy to see him back, and that is a good thing.

I need to go back and re-read older posts from December. I feel as though I have unfinished stories to tell from last month. I will do that. For now, I wanted to post a brief update of the happenings and not-so-happenings in the house of the exquisite dungeon.

:-)

 

Mistress’s workshop

75265319_4c56aeb446_o

Busy, busy, busy. That is what it comes down to. It’s simply a busy time of year, with little down time, little unscheduled time, and little reprieve from a much longer than usual “to do” list.

I have not had a chance to finish the “Date with stranger” post, but I will get it done.

I have not yet finished my Christmas prep, but I’ll get that done too.

And the wrapping?? That will get done tonight.

And THAT is something I am looking forward to.

I am having a few ladies over to do an appetizer, cocktail, wrapping gathering. I do believe that john and “t” will be the only males here.

They will be serving us, tending to us, catering to us, but in a very discreet way. John will be showing “t” how this is done. John has been trained over the years to provide service when the service needs to be invisible. This is not my favorite option, as if I had my way, both boys would be naked and wearing collars, but that can’t be the case. I want them to feel it in some way, though. The pull of a leash. It will be subtle tonight, but I want it felt. And, I want too for both of them to get their own wrapping done. This is meant to be productive and fun. But with purpose too, for I am working on gatherings of other events where they WILL be serving naked, and they WILL be wearing collars or cuffs in plain view. That will come later, and I think about that a lot.

But tonight, they will be my little elves, filling wine glasses that need filling, clearing away empty plates, keeping wrapping paper scraps picked up. It will hopefully be a fun night, an easy night, a productive night. And, “t” is recovering from a small medical procedure, so I don’t want him over taxed. Over taxing him can come later.

So, that’s it for today. Out of time, but very much in the holiday spirit of things.

Be merry, all. Until next time……