She’s headed away

She’s headed out tomorrow. Last night we had a lovely time together both out in town and then at home. We had excellent together time and excellent playtime and we both had a lovely night.

Tonight we had a nice dinner (nothing spectaular, but was at home and tasty) and I know that I was feeling multiple things. Well, I’m a little sad because it’s February 1st and I’m usually sad on this day, but it doesn’t permeate my soul as deeply as it once did. And I’m stressed that she’s leaving. I also have feelings of… longing? Sadness? Loss? No.. none of those words. But I do feel like last night was some awesome play and I don’t think we give ourselves enough time to play in that way. And I miss it after we have it because I know it’ll be a while before we go there again. Sure, we live a lifestyle of 24/7 – which we both love – but the last night play – well, I’ll miss it before it comes around again. And maybe that makes me selfish. But aren’t we always reading things and then saying things that “we should play more often” and “live your life out loud” and “don’t be afraid to be a bitch to me like that more often… ” Okay, so that last one is all me and totally selfish. But I know that we had a good time with it, like we always do and now I miss it because I know we won’t do so again until she’s back home – another week from now.

And then work calls and there’s a problem, so I have to fix that. And that raises my tension. And then I can’t get back to sleep mode because I’m wired. Damn it. And I can’t even lay in bed and masturbate because it just doesn’t “feel right” to stroke myself in the bed next to her like that… And that’s likely to be one of my last opportunities for a while, because she’s locking up her cock tomorrow morning.

So, I’m dealing with some loss all around. My February 1st loss, my loss of my partner for a week, loss of play for a week or so… yeah, that seems to be it. And work hitting me in the face while I’m trying to deal. And it all kinda sucks.

But I’m happy to have written this down – so I can realize that what I’m feeling is a ton of loss. It’s all first world problem shit, I know. But it still is stressing me. I remain in a blessed life. This I know.

Pending…

It’s all pending… so many things are pending… it makes me pensive. Well, no, more apprehensive than anything.

Work – crazy busy. End of fiscal. People to hire. People to train. Projects to wrangle. Special project to wrangle. And Guilder to frame for it.

Personal – end of school year shenanigans, family events, family things to fix (I am tech support… :( ), family plans for Chloe and I going on. Craziness.

House – One roommate in and out of the hospital, another roommate off to work often. Gotta keep the house up as Chloe and I are the ones that wrangle most of the house stuff. This is tedious at times. But it has to get done and we just end up doing it.

Sex life – We make the time to fuck. And that’s good. It’s been a good time in this manner. But we find little time for play because of all the above. But beyond that, any non-primary relationships suffer. That’s the nature of it. It can’t be helped.

I have a full week at work to come, camp to shop and pack for and any myriad of things on the list to wrangle before camp. And then I have to hope that work can keep their shit together while I’m gone, which I have problems believing will happen.

The saving grace in all this is…

  • Chloe gives me space and light loads before camp so I can concentrate on getting us ready for camp.
  • I will get to camp and have good cathartic hard work. Hopefully some of it will be naked or damn close to it!
  • I will get to be on vacation at camp. After that, I might be able to play at camp.

 

But it’s a long road to camp, literally and metaphorically. We’ll get there. It’s a light at the end of a tunnel. We’ll get there.